LbA: Football

A/N:  Good news guys! :)  You can probably already guess, but I found my laptop.  Still no Internet, so like I mentioned before, I'll have to post once I get to work, but I can at least write, now!  ~A

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Sarah and I were linked arms, walking around campus, skipping and prancing along.  We were decked out in torn and tattered jeans, red Nebraska shirts, and our hair up and out of the way.  We also adorned red “N” fake tattoos on our cheeks.  It was Nebraska game day and we were heading down to tailgate.  Since, combined, we knew mass amounts of people, we didn’t have a set tailgate we were headed to, just going to “’gate hop.”

First we stopped by my aunt and uncle’s tailgate.  They, like my family, are very well off.  My uncle owns his own business, and they run a corporate tailgate every home game.  Whenever I go, we (me and whoever is with me) get lots of free (high quality) food and beer.  Sarah has been with me multiple times, and Bart and Nancy (uncle and aunt) have made her an “adopted niece.” 

“Bart!  Nancy!” I shrieked when I saw them.  I always get overly-elated on game days.  We all hugged, and cans of Bud Light were handed to Sarah and I.  I’m not much of a beer drinker (unless it’s Blue Moon or Miller Light High Life, Champagne of Beers!), but I’m never going to pass up free booze while tailgating.  I was just happy we wouldn’t be making the rounds to the student tailgates to drink the Natty Ice until I was well on my way to a sweet buzz.

We gorged on brats and burgers, pans of catered macaroni and cheese, potato salad, and baked beans, and more beer.  Sarah and I packed in the food for the long morning/afternoon of drinking, knowing we didn’t want to be too drunk and/or hungover tonight for our girls’ night out.

Before we left my aunt and uncle’s tailgate, they stopped me and asked how my dad was doing.  I knew it was more of a courtesy than anything, because they are close with my parents and I’m sure know how he’s doing.  “He’s getting stronger each day.  It’s kind of a waiting game right now, to see if they’re going to do another round of chemo and radiation.  But his hair is growing back.  And I know he’s hoping next semester to start teaching again, if he continues on this upward path.”

“We’ve been praying for him.  We’re going over to your parents’ house tomorrow for dinner.  You should come, too,” Nancy responded.

“We’ll see.  I actually have a date tomorrow afternoon," I said blushing, "plus, I have plans most of the day today and may have to do homework tomorrow night after my date.”

“Come on, kiddo, since when have you cared about getting your homework done before 4 a.m.?” Bart bellowed.  I grimaced.  He knew me and my antics a little too well.

Nancy inquired, "A date?  Bring him!"

I smiled, shyly.  “Yes.  But my parents don't even know I've been seeing someone, so please at least try to keep it quiet.  I want to see if it becomes serious before exposing him to you all!  And I’ll think about dinner tomorrow.”

I hugged them both before leaving.  Sarah and I each took a beer for the walk, and set off on the next tailgate we could find.

At the last tailgate, before we needed to head into the game for kickoff, I got caught up talking to a couple of girls from the tennis team.  When we needed to head in to the stadium, I scanned around, looking for Sarah.  I caught a glimpse with her off to the side, talking to a tall, rather cute guy.  I quietly (as much as a slightly intoxicated, high-fiving while loudly yelling Go Big Red with every person passed can be) made my way over to her, hoping to sneak up on her and surprise her and her male friend.

I was about to lightly tap her on the back to scare her, when I tripped over a cooler that I, of course, didn’t see, and literally fell into her, pushing her into said male, who managed to catch both our momentum, but also caught Sarah’s beer all over the front of him.

“Ooops,” I rushed, “I’m sooo sorry!”

Sarah was blushing and apologizing profusely, while wiping at the beer on his shirt with her hands.  It hit me then that this must be the elusive Matt.  I quickly stuck out my hand, “Hi!  I’m Aleah, you must be Matt!”

He smiled back and gave a raised eyebrow and quick side eye to Sarah, and shook my hand. “Hi, Aleah.  Don’t worry, she’s talked about you to me, too,” he teased.

I looked over at Sarah who was staring at me wide-eyed.  Second oops of the moment.  “I mean... you know, she’s casually mentioned meeting you for dinner or something.  And don’t worry, she’s said only good things!  Uh... you know, like she says good things about all of her friends...” I trailed off.  Open mouth.  Insert foot.

Matt was looking at me amused.  “It’s okay.  I’m sure that when a girl goes out on a date with someone, she talks about it with her best friend.  I didn’t expect her to not tell you.”

I looked at Sarah again, and she was blushing, but this time happily.  I could tell she really liked this guy by the look she was giving him.  Not to mention everything she really did say to me previously.  “Hey, so I really am sorry about the beer.  And the running Sarah into you.  We’re heading into the game, and I spoke with my mom this morning and she and my dad aren’t coming in for the game today.  We have two extra seats if you and one of your friends would like to come?”

He seemed to perk up and looked expectantly at Sarah, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on you two...”

Sarah, a little too quickly, cut him off, “Oh no, you wouldn’t be at all.  I promise.  I’d really like it if you did!”

There were a couple people still left at the tailgate from the track team, so Matt asked some guy who I didn't know, also on the team if he wanted to join, and of course he did.

After getting to our seats, I checked my phone and saw I had two texts.  The first one I saw was from Chase.  My stomach did a happy flip flop as I read it: Have fun at the game today!  I’ll be looking for you in the stands on the tv ;)

I wrote back: I can go streak on the field if it’d help you find me!

I exited out and looked at the other text.  My stomach's flip flopping stopped, and my heart sped up.

Go Big Red!  Was what I read, from Zach.

Why was he texting me?  Especially after so long of not speaking to each other.  I sighed and shoved my phone back into my pocket, refusing to answer him.  For now.  It was almost as if he could sense that I was starting to really like someone else.  I pushed Zach to the back of my mind, and threw myself into the game, cheering wildly, and purposefully neglecting my phone the whole game.

After the big win, we all started heading back towards campus.  Before heading our separate way from the guys, while Sarah was saying bye to Matt, I checked my phone once more.  No more messages from Zach, but a response from Chase.  I mean, I wouldn't complain.  And would totally bail you out of jail!  I laughed.   

The alcohol had worn off, and Sarah and I were just tired now.  We weren’t going out until 9 or 10, so we had plenty of time to take an extended, much-needed nap and then start getting ready.  While walking back, I told Sarah that Zach had texted me.

She looked at me surprised.  “What did he say?”

“Go Big Red.”

“That’s it?”  She looked perplexed.

“Yeah.  That’s it.  Can you believe it?”

“Weird.  Maybe he’s wanting to reconnect.”

“Well, this is really poor timing.  I really like Chase, and want to undividedly be able to give him my attention without Zach coming in and ruining it!” I whined.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders.  “You know that I think you and Zach are soul mates.  But he’s already told you nothing’s happening until a long time from now.  Maybe you shouldn’t respond.  I’m sure every secret hidden fiber of your being is telling you to.  But at least wait until after your date with Chase tomorrow.  I can see you really do like Chase.  And I mean, come on, he’s hot.  You owe it to yourself to give Chase a fair shot, without Zach pulling you back in, and then letting you down hard again.”

By then, we were back in our apartment, spread out on our beds.  “I know,” I mumbled.  “It’s just so hard.  Because I love Zach.”  I started to tear up.  “What if I always love him, and can’t ever fall in love with anyone else because of my feelings for him?  But I won’t ever be with him again?”

“Aleah, stop.  Seriously.  If, and that’s a big if, you and Zach never reconcile, would you really want to live your life that way?  Living for something that may or may not happen?  I’m not saying Chase is ‘the one’ for you, but how will you know if you keep holding onto a thread of doubt because of something that for sure won’t happen in the next 1 to 4 years?”

I couldn’t respond.  Instead, I just rolled over and closed my eyes, contemplating everything Sarah had just said to me, until I drifted off.

Life By Zach: Back to normal

I guess no one will be surprised:  I am not dating Beth anymore.  Her "other news" was a weak attempt to let me know she had a pregnancy scare, but in the end she wasn't. I sat there trying to take everything in, this picnic I planned for her was supposed to be a redeeming or defining moment for us, a chance to connect with each other and with nature, yet all this girl was worried about was our Facebook relationship status. The fake pregnancy scare was her way of telling me that even though she wasn’t pregnant, it made her really want to get serious with me. I just couldn’t understand how someone could possibly even entertain that kind of rationale. Her attempt to manipulate me was the last straw for me. Even though she begged me not to break up with her, I had to stick to my guns this time. Everything that has gone on in the past few weeks really made me open my eyes. I haven’t felt like myself, and it was beginning to scare me how easily one can be drawn away from their path and their values.

I have a serious future ahead of me, I want to go to medical school, I want a successful career and a solid financial future. I am planning a trip to New York in the near future to look at med schools. I can't be so lost about Aleah that I allow myself to be distracted by someone as shallow as Beth. I have no problems going out on dates with girls I might meet, but Beth just wasn't it for me. I need to re-focus on school and on my future, because hopefully someday Aleah can be a part of that future.

My day today was pretty standard; I went to the gym and finally had a really good workout. I want to go snowboarding this winter after watching my all time favorite snowboarder, Jeremy Jones, in his latest documentary "Higher." He is one of the most impressive professional snowboarders out there, and he has never sold out just for sponsorships. He continues to reinvent himself and flies down mountains without a single fear. I want that!!

After my workout I grabbed a quick protein shake and packed up my backpack for an afternoon in the library. As I was heading out, I felt my phone vibrate and fished it out of my bag.

Ben: Beers bro!

I hesitated for just a minute before replying: Gotta study. I'll catch you later.

I can't get sucked into another one of Ben's drinking days, because they're exactly that: drinking that turns into an entire wasted day. Pun intended.

As I walked across the quad towards the library, I heard someone calling my name.

"Zach wait up!"

I turned around to find Andrew, one of Ben's fraternity brothers behind me.

"What's up man?" I asked him. Andrew is a year behind me in school and has been struggling a bit with his classes this semester.

"Not much, just wanted to see if I could talk to you for a minute."

"Sure, what's going on?"

“Ben said you guys took Intro to Law together.”

“Yeah, I really liked that class.” Even though I want to go to medical school, I fascinated by the law, which is why my roommate and I probably get along so well.

“Well, we have this paper on Conflicts of Law due next week, it’s rough stuff bro.”

“Dude it’s not that hard. You just have to apply the significant contacts test and then weigh the balancing factors.”

“Yeah, I have no idea what you just said.” Andrew seemed to be getting more and more frustrated.

 I wasn’t sure exactly how to help him, when I struggled with a  paper or a certain topic I just made sure I did the proper research so that I could understand what I was supposed to be writing about.

“Did you do some research or search the exam bank for previous similar essays?” I asked him.

“Yeah, but I can’t find anything. Do you still have your research or notes or maybe even your paper?”

“I do..” I hesitated, “But it wouldn’t really help you actually learn the material.”

“Can I just look at it as a beginning point? I am really struggling here and I am afraid I’ll fail the class. If I do I will get kicked off the lacrosse team and out of the frat.”

“Ok. Just take a look at some of the materials I have, but be careful and don’t share anything ok? I don’t want us getting in trouble.”

When we got to the library I pulled out my laptop and emailed Andrew some of my notes and my paper, and then got to work on my own studies. I buried myself in work for a good 4 hours, and then walked home slowly.

 It felt good to be productive again today, to get things done and re-focus on what’s important. Hopefully now it’s smooth sailing.

Life by Zach: Defining things

So it’s been about three weeks of dating Beth – I can’t say that they have been very eventful though. We don't really do anything of substance. Our dates consist mainly of sorority parties, drinking games and listening to Beth and her girlfriends go on and on about who is dating who. So this weekend I decided that I’m going to plan a date for us that would be a little different, so that I could really figure out if I should continue this or not (even though I think I already know the answer to that one).

The date I planned for us was an outdoor one, because I love being active and I thought it would be a great way to bond over something other than shots of tequila, which I was getting very tired of. I decided we would go on a hike and then have a picnic. I know it seems kind of cheesy for a guy to incorporate a picnic into a date, but it’s the kind of thing Aleah and I would have done and absolutely loved. So I told Beth I would be picking her up on Saturday morning and to wear comfortable shoes.

When I got to Beth’s apartment, she bounced down the stairs in a dress and flip flops. Oh boy.

“Uhm, you may want to throw on some sneakers..” I suggested

“Why babe? You said comfy shoes. These are toats the best!”

“We’re gonna do some walking.”

“Ooh like at the outdoor mall?!” she squealed.

I was starting to think that my idea of surprising her with a hike would be a surprise all right, but not the kind I imagined.

“Well…not really. We’re going on a hike.” I said.

Silence. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“Babe. I can wear my new Lulu Lemon yoga pants and pink Reeboks! Yay!”

Ok, I guess she found a silver lining. As I waited to her to change into whatever this lemon thing was she mentioned, I found myself wondering just what I was doing with her. I know, she’s no Aleah, that’s very obvious. And I also knew, even though I had a hard time admitting it to myself, that I allowed myself to get roped into this whole thing with Beth on an impulse because I was thrown by that picture I saw of Aleah at Elena’s wedding. So I guess in my mind I am hoping that eventually she will turn into the girl I want her to be. I know it sounds crazy; I know I shouldn’t be with someone I wish were totally different. But who knows, maybe she will love this hike and we can find some common ground.

We drove to the campsite and got all the gear out of the car. I had everything packed into a big backpack so that Beth would not have to carry a heavy bag; I didn’t want to overwhelm her too much. I handed her a water bottle as she glanced towards the trail with suspicion.

“Uhm, do you think there are bears?” She asked.

“Don’t worry, we’re going to be fine.” I reassured her.

The first twenty minutes or so, everything seemed to go well. The weather was perfect, and the trail was beautiful. I’d come hiking here many times before, so I knew exactly where to go. Beth was walking along next to me, humming to herself and seeming to enjoy being outdoors with me.

“Maybe we CAN do this,” I thought.

As we continued to walk, we came to one of the smaller crossings that had a small river running through it. I have crossed it many times, its not very deep or intense so I figured we would be ok. I did notice that today it seemed to be flowing with a bit more strength, but I thought nothing of it.

“Are we turning around?” Beth asked

“No, we’re going to cross it and then set up our picnic about another 30 minutes north of here.”

“Oh. Uhm babe? I’m going to get wet though."

“It’s going to be ok." I reassured her. "Its warm out today and we’ll dry up in no time.”

“Ugh. Ok. Just stay close in case I slip ok?”

“Of course!”

We moved ahead, but on either the first or second step I took, my foot started to slip off one of the nearly submerged rocks. I assessed the situation before me and realized I had a choice of either stepping directly into a foot and a half of deep water or just leaping to the next rock and hoping for the best. I chose to leap. I made the jump and landed on that rock, excited that I made it! However, I also quickly realized that my momentum was not going to allow me to stop jumping once I started, so I just leapt again, and again, and again. Within 2 seconds flat, I landed on the other side of the river, upright and completely dry! I was stoked!!

I turn around to see Beth just staring at me, mouth wide open.

“Uh oh.” I thought. “Ok I have to encourage her.”

“You can do it Beth, just jump onto the rocks like I did!”

“NO!” she yelled.

“Come on, I know you can!”

I was sure she would turn around, but surprisingly enough, she took the first jump and made it. She looked at me triumphantly and then tried the second jump. And this is where it all went wrong. In a matter of seconds Beth slipped off the second rock and landed on her butt with a big thump. I started to laugh because in all honesty it was funny, but then immediately jumped into the water to help her up.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m soaked!!” she yelled.

“I’m so sorry Beth, let’s get you across and keep moving so you dry off.”

I helped Beth across the water, but from that moment on, she lost any enthusiasm she had. The rest of the hike was spent complaining about how cold she was (it was about 90 degrees outside), how dumb hiking is, and “who even does this for a date?”

After what seemed like an eternity we finally got to the spot where I wanted us to stop for lunch. I unpacked the picnic while Beth watched in silence. I had decided to go all out with this picnic and packed us an assortment of goodies. I put together steak and blue cheese quesadillas, small chicken salad sandwiches, and hummus and pita chips. I also brought strawberries and raspberries that I put on small skewers so that we could eat them easily. Lastly, I brought along two mason jars of sangria that I had packed on ice for us to drink.

“Wow. This is nice.” Beth said.

Finally! No complaints. We started to eat, and for a few minutes things seemed to be normal again.

“Babe, I’ve been thinking.” She started.

This can’t be good.

“About what?” I asked wearily.

“About Facebook.”

“What about it?” I asked.

“Well, when are we going to be in a Facebook relationship?”

Oh man. Now I realize Facebook is a big deal to some people, but it never has been to me. I just never saw the point of announcing things to the world like what you had for dinner, or what things you think about every second of the day. I used Facebook primarily to keep in touch with people from home or to find about some of my school events, but otherwise I really just didn’t care.

“I just feel like you don’t care about me at all, babe. Randy Williams and Lacey Rogers got into a Facebook relationship like a week after they started dating.”

“Uhm, ok. How is that a gauge for a successful relationship?” I asked.

“Ugh, you’re such an ass.” She yelled.

I don’t know. Am I being an ass? Are my reservations much deeper than just not really caring about Facebook? Maybe deep down inside I know Aleah will see that and I don’t really want her to. But I also know that it’s not fair to Beth because my heart isn’t in this 100%. This argument seemed so trivial.

“There’s something else you should know babe.” Beth stated smugly.

Uh oh. My stomach sank. This can’t be good.

Life by Zach: Flashback-Zach and Aleah's First Kiss

Life By Zach

Flashback  - Zach and Aleah’s first kiss

It’s been about a month since the day I realized Aleah and I were more than just friends; more than just neighbors. The day I held her hand at our special spot changed everything for us. My excitement to see her every day remained intact, but now it was accompanied by a racing pulse and a sense of euphoria that made me feel like I could do anything. I was also struck with this ridiculous inability to stop smiling. Even my parents noticed.

Our high school Fall mixer was this weekend, and I had decided this was the moment to make my move. After rehearsing in front of the mirror for approximately 2 weeks, I gathered up the nerve to ask Aleah to be my date. We had just finished riding our horses and I was helping her finish up in the stable when I began my well-rehearsed speech.

“So what’s going on this weekend?” I asked her casually. At least, I thought I was being casual.

“Uhm, I don’t know, nothing, I think. I have a match on Friday after school, but that’s it. How come?”

“Well, I guess I just thought, I mean I wondered…” I was stammering like an idiot and started walking backwards a little bit in an effort to calm my nerves, when all of a sudden Aleah burst out laughing.

“Ohmygosh Zach!!” she sputtered, tears streaming down her face from laughing so hard.

“What??”

She pointed down at my feet, and when I looked down, I saw that I had stepped into a huge, fresh, steaming pile of horse poop.  I looked up at Aleah, not sure if I was angry or embarrassed, or what I should feel, and then the comedic timing of the moment struck me and I burst into laughter as well. We both stood there gasping for breath as I tried to free my foot from the messy pile of crap and that moment made me remember just why I felt the way about her I did. Seems weird I know, but bear with me. The thing is, we can just be ourselves. I don’t need a speech, or some pretense of being the cool football star. She’s Aleah, my friend, my neighbor, and someone I can be 100% myself with. We can make fun of each other, laugh about silly things, and never have to feel awkward about silly moments such as this one.

“Oh man, I am such an idiot,” I laughed as she handed me an old rag to wipe my boot with.

“It’s ok, I needed that laugh.”

“Yeah anything I can do to help,” I grinned. “But anyway, listen.  There’s this dance Saturday. You wanna go?”

“Hmmm. Ok, I guess. As long as you don’t wear those boots. You smell horrible,” she giggled.

I flicked the soiled rag in her direction and she screeched with laughter and turned to run away from me.

“I’ll pick you up at 8!” I yelled after her, unable to wipe the enormous grin off my face.  That went well.

I’m not sure if, as we grow up, we ever feel the kind of anticipation and excitement that we feel when we are young and in love. It’s so all-consuming: the knotted stomach, the beating heart, that nauseated feeling that only when in-love actually feels good. I won’t say I haven’t felt that again, but somehow, the intensity of it was deepest in high school. Deepest with Aleah. Maybe we grow up and stop believing in magic, or maybe we settle for the wrong people and just accept the lack of, what is it, passion?  Anyway. I digress.

The dance wasn’t formal, but I wanted to make sure I looked good. I chose a brand new pair of dark blue jeans, a dark grey Rolling Stones T-shirt  and my favorite black jacket. I paired the outfit with my grey lace-less Chuck Taylors, because they made me feel comfortable, and I know Aleah loves them. I ran my usual hair stuff through my hair, and as I glanced in the mirror, I gave myself a thumbs up. This was followed immediately by a moment of mortification and then relief that I was all by myself and no one saw. I do stuff like that all the time, even now, and always end up grateful that no one caught me in my moment of total dork-ness.

 “Zach! You look great,” Aleah’s mom exclaimed as she opened the door. “And these flowers, oh my…”

I decided to get Aleah these very rare, light purple roses I saw in a movie once. They don’t have any thorns and I knew Aleah would love them. They cost a fortune, but luckily I had enough saved up and was able to buy them easily.

“Are your shoes clean?” I heard, and looked up as Aleah came down the stairs. I swear I started hearing the song from “She’s All That” in my head as she descended in what definitely seemed like slow motion.

She was wearing a white strapless dress, and her long hair was curled softly towards the ends. She had makeup on tonight, a pale pink lipstick that made her full lips look even more beautiful and her hazel eyes were framed with a dark eye shadow that gave her a look that was the perfect combination of sexy but still innocent. I tried really hard not to stare at her legs, but I’m pretty sure I failed miserably. Those heels she was wearing were making her long legs look even more amazing than they usually do.

“My shoes are clean thank you very much,” as I made a grand sweeping gesture to show of my chucks. “Your flowers, madame.”

“Zach…these are incredible.”

“They’re thorn-less. Which means they’re pretty much perfect, kind of like…OUCH!” I cried as Max, Aleah’s yorkipoo puppy sank his teeth directly into my ankle.

“Max NO! Bad boy!!” Aleah admonished the little guy, who was now happily licking her nose. Lucky puppy.

“Let me take a picture of you kids, put your arm around her Zach,” Aleah’s mom ordered.

I stood next to her, hoping she couldn’t hear my heart beating, as I inhaled her scent. Aleah put her head on my shoulder and beamed as her mother snapped a few pictures.

“Let’s go!!!”

And with that, we walked to my Jeep. I opened the door for Aleah and then got in myself. The dance was at the Botanical Gardens Pavilion, which is a gorgeous glass structure that stands at the top of a hill. It is full of beautiful flowers and plants and was decorated with these tiny little string lights that made the whole building look like a giant sparkly garden straight out of a movie. The school really went all out. There was a DJ blasting music and a big crowd was already there, some were dancing, some were gathered in small circles talking and laughing, and some were sneaking alcohol trying to look nonchalant. Aleah and I weren’t interested in that, both of us have always been very careful to avoid alcohol and drugs and remain true to the values our parents had taught us.

I grabbed Aleah by the hand and led her to the dance floor.

“You? Want to dance?” She laughed.

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna show you a thing or two, baby!” I grinned and did a Michael Jackson/Usher twirl for her.  She burst out laughing and started in on her own silly dance moves, and before I knew it, we were having our own mini dance off, laughing and dancing without a care in the world. I don’t even remember being aware of anyone else there that night; somehow all I remember was dancing with Aleah and thinking she was the most beautiful girl in the room.  I’m not even usually much of a dancer, but with Aleah, I always feel comfortable.  We danced to the fast songs like maniacs, and I held her close when the slow ones came on. Before I knew it, the time had come to go home and all I could think was, “I don’t want this night to end.”

I think Aleah had the same thought, because as we drove home, she turned to me and said shyly, “Do you want to go to our spot?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “I’ll stop at your house first so you can change out of your heels.”

After Aleah grabbed a pair of sneakers and a jacket, I took her hand we walked to our special spot. Usually we ride our horses there, but tonight walking seemed to make sense. As we moved together, I remember thinking how perfect the night felt, how full my heart was, and mostly, how badly I wished that this moment, this feeling, would never go away.

We sat down when we got there, and Aleah turned to me right away. “Zach, I had such a good time with you. But I’m kind of scared…”

“What?” I didn’t expect that. ‘What are you scared of?”

She paused and looked down. Then she took a big breath and quickly said “We’re such good friends. I come to you when I’m hurt, or sad. If we start to be more, then what will I do if you’re the one that hurts me? I can’t imagine you not being in my life…” She stopped talking and looked up at me, and I felt as though my heart stopped.

“Aleah. I will never, ever hurt you. I will always be your friend, I will always be there for you, no matter what happens between us.  I don’t just like you Aleah, I respect you. I care about you, and I want nothing more than to make sure you are always happy.”

I wish I knew back then that someday, making her happy might mean that I would have to let her go, even if just for a little while. But maybe that’s what you’re supposed to do with someone you love, for someone you love. Let them become who they are supposed to become, so that when you come back to one another, the timing is right for your story to continue together. 

“I feel that way too, Zach. You’re more than just my friend, and I know I will always want what’s best for you.”

At that moment we heard a branch break in the darkness, and Aleah jumped and moved closer to me. Time seemed to stand still. I turned my head towards her and she looked up at me, a small smile on her face. I brushed her hair away from her eyes and gently ran my fingers over her pink cheeks, which seemed to get three shades darker. She always blushes when she’s nervous, and it makes her even more beautiful. I leaned towards her and our lips met, softly at first and then suddenly with urgency that I had never even known existed. She felt so right, so soft, and so perfect. Her hands were tangled in my hair and both my hands cupped her face. We both stopped at the same time and stared at each other, my hands still holding her face, drinking her in. Neither one of us had to say anything; we both just knew how right this was.

It was a perfect kiss, a perfect night, and a memory that is burned into my heart. I walked her home that night, kissed her one more time, and then sank into my bed, wondering if anything could ever top that moment. So far, nothing, nor anyone, has.

LbA: Faux Pas

I froze, warily looking at the hand, and quickly yanked my arm away.  I looked up to see Luke sneering at me, and Victoria standing behind him, peering at me sympathetically: as if I was a small child lost and trying to find its parent.

"Well, Aleah," Luke said, although it sounded like a question, as if he was anticipating a long awaited response to a significant question.  He let his eyes slowly wander down the curves of my body, causing me to blush uncontrollably, because I suddenly felt self-conscious as if I was provocatively dressed for a street corner instead of in my short athletic shorts, spandex top, with a zip-up hoodie unzipped over it.  As his eyes came back up, during the awkward silence, he let them rest on my chest and lightly licked his lips and then bit his bottom one.  My stomach churned at the thought of what we had been before I had known the truth.

"I've got to go," I muttered through clenched teeth, avoiding both of their stares.

"Why the rush?" Victoria sang at me, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable I appeared, though she had no idea the real reason why.

I clenched my fists and stared right into her eyes.  "Because I'm tired of your fiancee staring at my chest and trying to seductively lick his lips at me," I spat.

She narrowed her eyes at me and said, "We all know who the thirsty slut is here."  However, I saw the flash of insecurity and hurt on her face as she glanced at Luke, but then steeled her gaze back to me.  Too quick for Luke to see, but not fast enough for me to not see.  I smiled internally, knowing there was a crack I could chisel away at.

Since Victoria was still positioned behind Luke, she couldn't see him as he said, "It's okay, Aleah.  I really am sorry about hurting your feelings last year.  But you know I never could've slept with you.  I'm in love with Victoria."  His voice was dripping with empathy and concern, but the corners of his mouth were turned up into a smirk, and his eyes were cold and threatening, warning me to not utter a word.

"Really, I don't have anymore time to waste with you two, did you stop me for a legitimate reason?  If not, I'll be on my way."  I tried to sound confident and bored, although really I was terrified, as I didn't know what these two had up their conjoined, ever-looming sleeve.

Neither of them said anything, so I started to quickly walk away when I felt Luke grasp my arm again and lean down towards me.  His hot breath warmed my ear and cheek as he brazenly whispered, "You know, I think you'd have fun and we could help you relax if you were interested in joining us in bed later.  The things I would do to you..."

My eyes widened, disbelief clouding my face.  "You're sick," I muttered, but then loudly barked, "Why in the hell would you think I would have a threesome with you two, if I wouldn't even have sex with you when we were dating?"  I jerked away for good and took off jogging for my car.  I didn't look back until I was in my car, with the doors locked.  I saw Luke vehemently shaking his head no, and Victoria waving her arms in front of her as she spoke, in what appeared to be angry tones.  Her hair looked like a fire roaring around her head.  Although, superficially, I felt as if this was a victory, deep down, I knew it was just the beginning of the war.

~~~~~~~

Wednesday night came quickly, with no more run-ins with Victoria or Luke.  I had told Sarah was happened, and she told me to go get a protective order, again.  I felt like I didn't have a reason to, but I figured worse case scenario, I could go talk to Detective Stratton about it.  I wasn't going to have time until that Saturday in the morning, before the football game against McNeese State.  My family has season tickets, and I've only ever missed a game if I was gone for tennis.

When I had dated Derek, he had always complained that I overdressed for simple dates.  But I figured, if that was my worst trait, I was doing pretty good.  For my "typical date" date with Josh, I opted to wear an orange dress from Zara with sexy strappy sandal heels.  I straightened my hair and pulled it back into a sleek ponytail, and went with mascara and navy eyeliner, to match the shoes.  Subtle, but gorgeous. I happily appraised myself in the mirror before heading downstairs and outside.  It was nice out and I was ready early (for once... don't expect it again), and was going to sit on the bench outside our building for Chase to arrive.

I started scrolling through Facebook and saw that Zach was tagged in a picture by some girl named Beth. The picture was a too-close "selfie" that Zach looked totally plastered in.  Her face was pushed up against his, and she was kissing his cheek.  His eyes were half open and blood shot.  Huh.  Zach was never really the party type.  He would attend parties, with me, but he was always the sober, responsible one.  I couldn't get a good look at Beth because the picture literally was just of their faces.  And it was slightly blurry.  I looked up to see Chase pulling up.  I closed out of Facebook making a mental note to stalk this Beth girl later.

Chase got out of his car and walked over to the passenger side, opening the door.  He smiled broadly as I got closer, subtly checking me out.  I smiled back and we greeted each other with a warm embrace.  We had texted daily since our phone call on Sunday, but we hadn't spoken on the phone.  We took the opportunity to catch up on our weeks so far.

For dinner we went casual and ate at Ruby Tuesday.  I got the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich and salad bar.  He got some sort of burger.  Delicious.  Over dinner he was telling me about an out of control happy hour he had with co-workers the previous day.  I laughed at the funny spots, but was distracted.  My run-in with Luktoria and my curiosity of who Beth is, kept occupying my thoughts.  After dinner, as we were driving to the theater, Chase asked me if I was okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine.  Why?"

"You just seem... bored.  I guess."  I saw him shrug his shoulders.  I studied his profile as he was driving, before answering.  His blonde hair perfectly styled, his perfect nose, and his strong jaw line.  Blue eyes carefully studying the road.

I smiled, apologetically.  He glanced over at me, and then back at the road.  "Oh, not at all.  I really enjoy your company."  I finished with finality, "A lot."  I paused, unsure of how much of the Luke situation I should disclose, so early on.  We were at a red light, and he turned to look at me, eyebrows raised in question.

I looked down, and shyly said, "I really do like you, Chase."  I blushed at his smile, and continued, "I should probably tell you something, though."

"What's going on?"  His voice was laced with concern.

I took a deep breath before starting.  "I have kind of a crazy ex-boyfriend.  I thought our break-up was civil and mutual, but then found out a lot about him after we broke up."

Chase's expression remained neutral, and his silence prodded me to keep talking.  "I found out he was engaged to someone else, in his hometown out of state.  The whole time we were together.  Long story short, he made her believe I spent the whole time last school year pursuing him despite me knowing he was engaged.  Which I had no clue.  There were other issues as well, but now his fiancee transferred to UNL and so they're both here and seem bent on making my life miserable.  I had a run-in with them on Sunday."

"I see."  That was apparently all he had to say.

We arrived to the theater and went in and watched the movie.  He put his arm around my back half-way through.  But on top of my already distracted thoughts, I now felt sorrow for telling him about all of that.  Too soon, I suppose?

After the movie, he drove me home and walked me to my apartment door.  Outside of it, he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight hug.  When he pulled away he smiled warmly at me and said, "Thank you for coming out with me tonight.  I had a lot of fun."  His face turned serious then and said, "And Aleah, thank you for opening up to me.  I appreciate your honesty."

I studied his face, but only saw sincerity and compassion.  "Thank you for not freaking out.  I didn't really want to tell you about that, really.  I didn't want to scare you off..."

He waved that statement off and chuckled.  "It would take more than a crazy ex to scare me off.  Trust me, I have one of those, as well.  But, that's a story for a different time."

I smiled and went in for another hug, tipping my head up, hoping he would kiss me.  When we pulled away, his eyes darted between my lips and eyes, and I thought for sure he was going to do it.  He grasped my right hand with both of his, and leaned towards me, and brought my hand up to his face and kissed it lightly.  Electricity shot through my veins up my arm, and when he pulled away, I swore my hand was smoldering and on fire.  If Chase's lips touching my hand could cause that kind of reaction, I could only imagine what would happen when they touched my lips.

I watched Chase walk down the stairs and through the door.  He paused before the door closed, and turned back to look at me.  I blushed, that he caught me watching him.  He smiled and waved, and I did the same.

I walked into the apartment and collapsed on the couch next to Sarah, who appeared to be studying, since she had some thick textbook open on her lap.  I checked my phone and saw it was after 11 p.m.

"Hey girl, I'm surprised you aren't in bed, yet!" I teased, since Sarah acts like a grandma on school nights and is usually in bed by 10:30. 

She stuck her tongue out at me.  "How was your date?"

I sighed, happily.  "Oh Sarah, Chase is... A.Maze.Ing."  I continued to tell her about the whole date, including my faux pas of disclosing about Luke.

She laughed lightly.  "You want to hear about disclosing a lot really soon?  Listen to this."  She told me all about her second date with Matt.  

"What!?  Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" I exclaimed.

"We've both just been so busy.  I'm having Aleah-withdrawals."

"I know!  I only see you passing through my dreams anymore," I joked.  But seriously, I'm so sorry.  I know our schedules have been crazy.  Not this weekend, but the next weekend, September 12th or something like that, is my first tennis match of the season.  So, this Saturday, the McNeese game, want to come with me?  I don't have plans with Chase until Sunday.  We could go to the game, and then have a girls' night after that?  We can see if Maddie and Elena are free and go."

She brightened at my suggestion.  "Oh my gosh, yes!  But why do you guys have an extra ticket Saturday?"

"Because Tom's gone at college now.  All the way in Indiana.  Purdue, can you believe that?  Apparently that's where he decided on, I just somehow didn't find out about it until the week before he left.  He justified it by saying they have a great computer science program.  I think it's because he didn't want to be anywhere near us anymore.  Things have been cold between us ever since Miriam came around.  But whatever.  So you in?"

"Duh.  Maddie's out with the boyfriend, so we can ask her tomorrow."

"Ok.  I'll call Elena tomorrow, too.  I haven't spoken with her in awhile.  Hopefully she can pull away from the hubby for a night."  She closed her book and we got up, walking to the bathroom together, to brush our teeth.

"I'm so excited, Aleah."

"Me, too.  I've really missed you!"

"You already know."  She splashed water at me, and I returned the favor, then we raced into the bedroom to head to bed.