Friday, October 9, 2015

My Turn

The past week and a half had flown by.  We were in the hotel for longer than we'd initially thought we would be.  We were there for a week and two days.  Sarah, Aaron, and I played a lot of card and board games.  As boring as it would have seemed to have been, I wouldn't have wanted to be cooped up with anyone else.

We didn't talk about what happened with Aaron.  He was jumpy and I don't think he slept much.  He always laid in bed with me, with his arm around or over me.  Aaron and I were in one room; Sarah was in an adjoining room.  On either side of our rooms were the FBI agents that had driven us here.  There also was a constant watch located in the parking lot.

We found out our last day at the hotel, the reason it had taken longer than expected was because they had a hard time getting in touch with their guy on the inside who would have the information.  Once they spoke with him, they found out that Aaron's identify hadn't been shared beyond his little inner circle.  At least, not that had been discovered, yet.  Although, they all "reassured" Sarah and I that if his identity had been shared, a hit would have been put out on him and it would have reached the people still in, since they were higher up.

When we were able to go back to Lincoln, Aaron was pulled into a lot of debriefing and meetings.  He even was flown out to Chicago for a couple of days. 

He came back earlier in the day today.  Although we had spent a little over a week in hotel together, we hadn't had sex, or touched sexually.  He just seemed tired.  He almost seemed resistant to anything happening, not that either of us had really tried.

Aaron had gotten a haircut, and was back to dressing like his normal, put together, GQ self.  But, he still seemed distant.  His eyes were missing their playful shine.  It seemed as if he was going through motions, but his heart wasn't in it.

He did ask if he could stay the night with me at my house.  Sarah had gone to visit her family this weekend, and fill them in as to why she was MIA for a week. 

"If you want to go stay in your own bed, I would understand," I gently said.

He shook his head.  "No, I need to be here with you."

We were curled up together on the couch.  I positioned so my face was in front of his.  "Aaron, you don't have to protect me.  It's okay.  I'll be safe here."

He pulled me into his body, and pressed his lips to my forehead.  "I just want to be with you."

I understood.  "I missed you, too."

He absently flipped through channels, watching a show only until the commercials came on, then flipping to something new.  Although I found that extremely annoying, I let him have it.  I knew it was mindless, and he probably wasn't even paying attention to anything when it was on.

After awhile we went up to bed.  I got ready and slid in between the sheets, and he got ready and then joined me, first placing his gun on the table next to his side of the bed.  I faced him, laying on my side.  He dropped onto his back, and held out his arm for me to put my head on.  I snuggled into him, and against him.  "I love you, Aleah."

I inhaled deeply, breathing him in.  "I love you, too."

It was quiet for awhile, and I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep.  But it surprised me when he asked, "Aleah?"


"I'm sorry."

"For what?" I was confused.

"I... there's a lot I need to apologize to you for.  But at the moment, mostly because I know I'm not myself right now."

"Thank you, but it's okay.  I'm sure whatever you went through was... life changing."

"To say the least," he humorlessly laughed.

I was hesitant to ask the next question, because part of me didn't want to know, but I asked anyway.  "Do you think you'll tell me someday what happened?"

He immediately said, "I will, I promise."  His voice was tinged with sadness.

I knew then, that it was my turn.  It was my turn to be there for him, the way he was for me.