Monday, April 11, 2016

this isn't goodbye

Hey all,

Firstly, I owe you all an apology.  I swore, in my head, that tonight was the night I was set to return, and for some reason I haven't been getting my comments to my email.  I don't know if I need to blame my phone or my email, yet. Otherwise, I would've realized my error.  But anyway, I'm sorry I didn't post last Monday like I said I would.

Secondly, I did a lot of thinking while on my break about my exchange with a few of the people after my last post about needing a brief break.  I know how much I've loved writing this story, and I know how much a lot of you have enjoyed reading it.  I'm so thankful for both.  Writing became an escape for me.  You all didn't even know how much you were there for me for the past (over) 2 years.  You all were unknowingly by my side as I went through my child's father being unfaithful to me, me moving almost 2 hours away from where I was living, our breakup, the diagnosis of my little one with cerebral palsy, the constant medical appointments, a car accident, the death of 2 of my grandparents within weeks of each other, my changing jobs, moving again to a better location, and gaining a second job.  There has been so much more in between, but those are the low "highlights."  It's funny because as I'm writing this I'm tearing up, partially from sadness and partially from joy.  I can't thank you for all of your support through these tumultuous two years. 

Really, I could've written a blog completely about my real life with everything that's happened!

I'm not done with Aleah's story, but I need to be temporarily done.  I'm planning on writing a closing post that will wrap up the pending stories that are out there.  I have an idea of what I want to write, but want to make sure I give you all the gift of a temporary closure.  So please let me know what all loose ends you want me to make sure I wrap up.

I've made this decision because while writing was such a release for me, the past few months it hasn't been.  It's been more stressful than anything.  I've had serious writer's block, having no idea where I want the story to go and struggling to get posts out.  I mean, in general I know where I want the story to go, but not in the near future.  I've continued posting for you all, and not for me.  And with doing that, I saw a decline in my writing.  My best writing is when I was writing for you all AND for me.  I want to enjoy telling Aleah's story again.  But right now, I don't have it in me.  I'm just now beginning to feel like a whole person again, healing from everything that has happened.

I would say a lot of it is because of how thin I've been stretched with how busy I've been caring for my (now) 3 year old, working 2 jobs, my primary one with longer hours than I was previously working, and trying to maintain a household by myself.  But, I think I've been emotionally drained, and I'm finally feeling relief.  Like a  weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I absolutely want to carry on Aleah's story.  I just don't know if that will be a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now.  I will pick up on this site.  And depending on how long it is, I may jump ahead to the same time break that it will be.  I'll see.  But I want to get to a point where I have a reserved of posts, but also where I'm able to consistently post, and know where I want to go.  If all else fails, I have another storyline completely playing in my head.  We'll have to wait and see what story strikes.

All of this to say, sometime in the next couple of weeks I'll be posting my last post for awhile... we'll call it a season finale.

I promise to you all I will be back.  Please leave your comments as to anything you'd like me to clear up in the next post.  And my best suggestion is to either check back periodically, or to follow the blog so you'll know when a new post arrives.

Otherwise, you can always leave me a comment to check in (I will hopefully have comments sent to my email fixed here within the next few minutes), or you can email me at  I receive those emails directly to my phone, as well.  (My comments go to a different email address.)

I appreciate you all so much, and truthfully, I don't foresee my hiatus being super long (I know the writing bug will strike me soon... I'm guessing before the summer's end).

<3 Aleah