Frantic

I ran my fingers through my hair, as it cascaded down over the text book I was trying to read.  Graduation was a month away, and I was trying to get caught up on reading to finish the semester strong.  We’d been traveling a lot for tennis, and so I’d missed a lot of class.  There were only 3 weekends left of tennis matches before my college tennis career was over.  I was already in mourning.

My hair had lightened because of the sun, and I was inspecting my brittle ends, seemingly just realizing that I hadn’t gotten my hair cut since before “the incident.”  I made a mental note to call my stylist in the morning to get an appointment.

I looked up from my book to look at the framed picture of Aaron and I that I had mounted on my desk.  I unwillingly smiled.  It’d been almost 2 months since we became “official” and I couldn’t imagine having any other male involved in my life like that.  He was more supportive than anyone else had been able to be, though I’m sure that was due to his experience and his career.

My phone started vibrating angrily on the desk, causing me to jump and snap out of my daydreaming.  I looked at the display and saw it was from “Unknown Number.”

I answered, curious as to whom it might be.  “Hello?”

“Is Aleah Lange available?”

“Yes, this is she.  May I ask who is calling?”  My mom had taught me polite phone skills growing up.

“This is Officer Porter at the Lancaster County Correctional Facility.  I’m calling to alert you that Lucas Hammond’s bail has been posted and he is set to be released at 6:12 a.m. tomorrow morning, April 8^th, 2015.”

I froze, the phone slipping from my hand and crashing loudly onto my desk and then dropping to the floor.   

My palms began sweating, my hands shaking.  The ticking of my clock became a loud cymbal in contrast to the deafening silence of everything else, closing in around me.

I blinked a few times then hurriedly snatched my phone back up, to hear Officer Porter calling out hello and my name over and over.

“Yes, yes sorry.  I’m here,” I rushed.  “I’m sorry, I dropped my phone.  Did you... did you say Luke is getting bailed out?”

“I did, and we had orders stating to notify you if and when that happened.”

“Right, who bailed him out?”

“Ma’am, I can’t answer that.  I just needed to let you know he’s being released.  If you have any other questions, you can contact the detective assigned to your case.”

I couldn’t speak.  I heard him say bye, but words wouldn’t form.  Why hadn’t Brad called me, since he was assigned detective?  Why hadn’t Aaron told me, I’m sure he knew, too.  Wouldn’t they know?

I sat there stunned.  I had lifelessly dropped my phone onto the desk, and sat there slumped over, staring blankly at the picture that had just given me cause to smile only minutes earlier.

A thought played at the edges of my mind, teasing me, but not quite coming to fruition.

But then it did.  Where is it?

My eyes widened.  I needed to find it immediately.  I stood up quickly, knocking my desk chair over backwards, and went running to my purse across my bedroom.  I dumped it out on my bed, contents spilling out haphazardly.  Old receipts, chapstick, my wallet, an extra phone charger: all being spread out by my sweeping hand action.  I opened my wallet and quickly looked in the pockets, not seeing what I was frantically searching for.

I saw the stack of “papers to go through” that were on the floor next to my desk.  I dropped to my knees and flipped through them.  Not there, either.

I put my finger tips on my temples and closed my eyes, willing myself to retrace my steps the day I got it.  I know I put it somewhere safe.  My eyes flew open.

I stood up and ran to my closet, pushing clothing out of the way.  I knelt to the ground and turned the key I kept in the lock of my fireproof lockbox.  I flipped through papers to the very back, and carefully pulled out the green paperwork.  I clutched it to my chest.

I turned off the lights in my bedroom and climbed into bed, curling into a ball.  My safety blanket-the court ordered restraining order- tucked underneath my pillow.