You're Like Coming Home

I realized with Valentine’s Day approaching that Aaron and I still hadn’t kissed.  We had been close a couple of times.  But when everything happened during the incident, I think Aaron decided to give me the space I needed.  I know that Valentine’s Day is super commercial, but the deep-down hidden romantic part of me loved it.  I pretended I didn’t.  But I did. 

Because of the trauma that had happened to me, Dean (my therapist) had agreed to start out seeing me twice a week.  I had my second session yesterday, which we took to start diving into my history with Luke.   

Also, after my first session last week, Dean had decided to have me temporarily go on Xanax to help with the anxiety I was feeling constantly, and Pristiq to help alleviate the mild situational depression.  So he reached out to a psychiatrist he partners with.  I had been taking those for almost a week and it was amazing the relief I felt.  He had been very upfront that he was using them as an initial aide, but had no intention of keeping me on them long term.  I wasn’t scared to shower when no one was home, and I didn’t feel like staying in bed every moment of every day anymore.

So anyway, because I was feeling slightly more alive, I decided to do something special for Aaron for Valentine’s Day.  I wasn’t sure what exactly, yet, and I also was definitely not ready for anything sexual.  I knew it would take a lot of trust and build up to get there.  But Aaron was having the patience of a saint. 

After my therapy session last night, I went to my parents’ house for dinner.  It was the first time I’d been back there since Christmas break.  It was good to be back with my parents.  They kept the conversation light, and asking me more about Aaron.  I guess since I wasn’t acting like the world was crushing me into a pile of mush, they finally felt like they were to ask me more “normal” questions.  I could feel myself blushing when talking about him. 

As we were finishing eating, the doorbell rang.  My parents both looked at each other, confused.  My dad got up and went to answer it.  “You guys expecting someone?” I asked, after my dad had left the room.

“Nope.  It’s Monday night, we usually just stay to ourselves during the week because of work.  And if it was Ben or Gloria, I’m sure they would’ve called first.”

I could hear voices talking, but couldn’t hear what was being said or clearly enough to tell who it was.  My dad came walking back into the dining room alone.  “Aleah, baby, it’s for you.”

I frowned, even more confused.  “Okay... who is it?”

“Just go,” my dad said, nodding his head towards the front of the house.

I walked into the foyer of the house and stopped in my tracks. 

Every emotion known to man flooded my senses.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked a few times, to un-blur the image of Zach standing there.

His hands were in his pockets, his skin sun-kissed golden.  His hair also lightened.  He was wearing a button down, dark jeans, and loafers.  He looked radiant, and I could feel my heart swell.

He wasted no time striding over to me, and wrapping me into his arms, pressing his lips into my hair on top of my head.  My face was pressed into his shirt, and I started crying softly, his smell being so familiar and reminding me of home.  Not the place.

We stood likes that for minutes, him holding me tightly, letting me cry.  When I finally stopped and hiccupped, he held me out at arm’s length.  “Aleah,” he said gently.

I couldn’t even open my mouth, scared that I would start crying again.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, grabbing a blanket out of the front closet.  I had on sweatpants and a sweatshirt.  The temperature was oddly warm for February, being in the low 50’s during the day.  It was cooled down a bit, but was still around 40. 

Once we were outside I saw he had ridden his family’s four wheeler over.  In any other time and place I would’ve smiled at this.  He knew how much I loved riding on the back of the four wheeler with him, growing up.  He got on and climbed on behind him.  I buried my face in his back to block the wind.  And without looking, I knew the familiarity of the path, and that we were winding our way back through the woods to our spot.

When we got there, we silently went into the cabin, and sat next to each other, our sides touching and my legs curled underneath of me.  He wrapped the large quilt around us and put his arm around me, pulling my body against his.

I closed my eyes, comfortable.  I started drifting off when I heard Zach start talking.  “Aleah, I’m so sorry.  I am so incredibly sorry.”

“For what?”  I sleepily asked.

“For not being here sooner.  I didn’t come home for break, and my parents didn’t tell me what happened until just a week ago.  I don’t think they wanted me to know.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, Zach.”

“Yes, I do.  If I hadn’t gone back to Arizona this school year and transferred here like I wanted to, this would have never happened.  I could’ve been here for you and protected...”

I interrupted and stopped him by placing my finger on his lips.  “No, Zach.  Stop.  You needed to be there.  You needed to finish school there so it showed consistency and stability for your med school applications.”

“But if something more would’ve happened to you... getting into the best medical school on the planet wouldn’t have been worth that.” 

I sighed.  I knew I wasn’t changing his mind.  He pulled me even more into him. 

I felt so safe and warm.  I started to fall asleep, once again. 

But also once again, I was woken up by Zach.  But this time, his other hand was on my chin, tilting my head up towards his, and his slightly parted lips met mine.