I Promise I Am

Standing under the steaming hot water was calming my anxiety.  My skin was turning red where the water was pelting me.  One of my favorite things about my shower, was the pressure. The saying "it hurts so good" really was accurate.

Aaron and I had plans later on in the evening.  I had just gotten done talking with Victoria, and her words were ringing over and over in my head.  I was no longer mad at Victoria.  The anger I had built up towards her was dissipating along with the steam from my hot shower.

I closed my eyes and let the water cover me, washing away the fear that was clouding my thoughts.  Cleansing me from the outside in.

After I was done, I decided to lay down and nap.  I had hours before Aaron would arrive.  I dried off as much as I could and laid on top of my comforter.  I was hot and sticky.  I wanted to keep the windows open as long as I could without using the air conditioning.  There was a slight breeze, and before I could even process my conversation with Victoria any longer, I was out.

~~~~~~~

I jumped at the crack of thunder that shook the house.  It was dark outside and a storm was definitely moving its way in.  I love storms.  The thunder and lightening calm me, and usually provide me with the deepest sleep I can have.  I watched my ceiling fan spinning momentarily, enjoying the decrease in temperature from the outdoors, the wind that was picking up, and my fan circulating the air around and over me.  I reached out and clicked on my side table lamp, as the lessening light from the incoming storm was making it quite dark in my room.

I stretched, and rolled my head to the side to look at the clock.  "I've been asleep for 4 hours?"  I was shocked.  No wonder why it was excessively dark.  It wasn't just the storm.  I don't usually nap for quite that long.  "Well, crap," I muttered to myself.  I knew Aaron would be there anytime.

I sat myself up, with my hands planted on the bed behind me, still building up motivation to move.  As I ran my hand through my wavy, partially dried hair, to move it away from my face, my bedroom door opened.  I froze, and my heart started beating quickly, as I flashed back to Luke entering my apartment on campus.

Aaron popped his head around the edge of the door and I breathed an audible sigh of relief.  "Oh, Aleah, I'm so sorry," he quickly exclaimed, disappearing behind the door as quickly as he had appeared.

I blushed, realizing that I was still naked.  Aaron and I still hadn't had sex.  We had done some light messing around, but neither of us had been naked around the other, aside from the incident when Aaron busted in to my apartment.  And by light messing around, I mean nothing below the waist.  He was being so incredibly patient with me, and going at my pace.  We had actually attempted to go a little farther a couple of times, but I'd froze and cried one time, and had a panic attack the other. 

"Aaron?" I shyly called out, because the door was still cracked open.

"Yeah, babe?" he replied, but still not looking around the edge of the door.

I paused, feeling super self-conscious, but also not uncomfortable.  "You can come in..." I trailed off.

There was silence.  I thought maybe he had walked away, or hadn't heard me.

"Aaron?"

The door slowly opened wider, and he hesitantly took a step inside my room.  From the light on my side table, his eyes met mine.  "Are you sure?"

I swallowed.  "I am," I half smiled at him, to let him know I was okay, even though I was nervous.  Not only had I not opened myself up like this to Aaron, yet, I hadn't had sex since Zach and I last had over a year prior, and Zach and Derek had been the only two.  Luke and I never did.  Thank goodness.

He shut my bedroom door and slowly, cautiously, made his way towards my bed.  He was in a t-shirt and basketball shorts.  He slipped his shoes off, and padded quietly over to me.  His eyes never left mine.  He gently sat down on the edge of the bed, facing me.

He took his hand and ran his fingers along the edge of my face, down my hair line.  He grazed my ear with his fingertips and rested it on the side of my neck, his thumb left stroking my jawline, lightly.  "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

I blushed.  Of course.

He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, lovingly, but with a sense of urgency.  His grip tightened on my neck.  Not in an aggressive way, but in a passionate way.  His tongue teased mine, coming together in their familiar dance.

He started leaning forward, and I knowingly leaned back, laying down.  His hand roamed my side, until his thumb landed on my hipbone, and it stayed planted there.  We stayed like that, kissing for moments.  I reached down and tugged at his shirt.  He pulled it up, breaking our kiss just long enough to yank it off and throw it to the ground.

His bare chest laid down on mine, and my heart started beating fast, feeling his skin against mine.  But it was beating fast for a completely different reason, this time.  His hand made its way back to my hip, but didn't stay there as it slid back up, and rested against the side of my breast, barely touching me.  His kisses became distant and slower, our lips barely touching, as I knew he was silently asking for permission to continue.  I arched my back, pushing my chest into his.  His face rose up inches above mine, making eye contact with me.  He was searching.

The lightening flashed and the thunder rolled, making us both jump at the clash of noise from the stark silence.  We laughed.

My laughter eased into a smile, that was full this time, and he returned it, then moved his lips to my jawline.  Down my neck, to my breast.  He took his time, and I could tell he was savoring every kiss, lip, and light bite.  My eyes rolled up to the ceiling, his hot breath on my skin awakening a feeling I hadn't had in awhile.

The rain started pouring outside, and even though now the water wasn't hitting my skin, it was just as cleansing, in a different, purifying way.

His fingers trailed down my stomach, onto my thigh, and grazed my inner leg.  He left his hand there, and moved his lips back to mine, and kissed me gently.  He again stopped and looked at me.  "Are you okay?" His expression was earnest and sincere.  And I knew if I told him there was even a fraction of me that wasn't, he would immediately stop.  But... I trust him.

I smiled, reached up, and pulled his head back down and kissed him hard.  I breathed into him, "I am."  I felt him smile against my mouth.

And then I felt his finger against me, and I gasped, from pleasure.  His smile didn't fade, with his mouth still against mine, but not kissing.  Just breathing each other in, all of my senses were tingling.  I squirmed under his touch.

I reached down, and pushed at his shorts.  He stopped what he was doing long enough to pull them down and kick them off onto the floor and position himself over me.  He hovered over me, stroking my hair with his fingers.  "Aleah, if you aren't ready..."

I cut him off.  "I promise I am."

His eyes darted back and forth between mine.  I felt him move against me, to ready himself.

He slowly pushed into me, and my eyes unwillingly closed, and I winced, slightly.  At my reaction, he stopped moving.  I nodded and he continued, and I felt him fully enter me.  He waited, and I exhaled against him, not even knowing I had been holding my breath.

I opened my eyes, and he was watching me closely.  I ran my nails up his back and into his hair, and pulled his head down, kissing him, once.

He slowly moved in me, and although it hurt a little, it felt so right.

Soon, we were in sync.  He was careful with me, and it wasn't long before I was breathing his name, and he was mine, shortly after.

He rolled off of me, onto his side next to me, and I flipped over onto my stomach.  He propped his head up with his one hand, and started lightly scratching my back with his other.  I closed my eyes.  I heard him move and felt him kiss my cheek.

"Thank you," I quietly said.

He lightly laughed.  "For?"

"For being so patient with me.  For just, being here.  For protecting me.  For wanting me despite everything that has happened."

He sighed and his hand stopped moving on my back.  "Oh, Aleah, you don't even know."

I opened up my eyes and propped myself up on my elbows.  I furrowed my brows at him.  "I don't even know what?"

A smile played at his lips.  "Did you know that it's been over a year since we met?  That first day you came into the station to talk to Brad... I drilled him about you after you left.  I wanted to pursue you.  Hard.  But he came down on me and basically swore he'd put me to use as target practice if I came within arms length of you."

"I didn't know that.  He never told me."

"Brad got nervous though, for you, after everything started coming out about you probably having been drugged.  So he asked me to help him out by just... being around sometimes.  He wasn't having me follow you, per se, but he told me to check in on you.  I just kind of took it upon myself to actually run into you, hoping to catch your eye."

I frowned.  "He was having me tailed?"

Aaron playfully rolled his eyes.  "You're missing the point.  And not exactly.  He just wanted to check in on you to make sure that you were actually okay and those boys weren't harassing you."

I shrugged, but relaxed my face again.

"Anyway, the more I ran into you, the more I wanted to ask you on a date.  I started noticing little things about you, that are rather charming."

"Like what?" I asked, chuckling.  And then snorted.  Oops.

He laughed.  "Like that.  You snort when you laugh sometimes.  Or how easily you blush.  Or that when you're bored or nervous, you twirl your hair around your finger, or pick at your thumb nails.  When you think no one is looking, you'll steal glances of yourself in windows or mirrors you're passing.  But I can tell it isn't because you think you look good, but more because you're second guessing your appearance.  Which, while endearing, it also really weird to me.  Because you're very confident, as well.  And also, when you think I'm not looking, you steal glances at me.  Almost like you're studying me."

I squinted my eyes at him, coincidentally, studying him.  Shocked he would notice such minor things about me, that I'm not even fully aware I'm doing all the time.  "Wow.  I can't believe you are aware of all that."

He hand started mindlessly scratching my back again, as he looked off past me, lost in thought.  He brought his gaze back around to me.  His hand ran up my back and into my hair, and I felt him grab a fistful of it.  My senses were all awakened at that moment.  The rain was steady, and sure.  The lights dim.  His cologne from the morning intertwining with the floral of my shampoo, surrounding us.  His hand in my hair, his fingertips barely touching my scalp, but still heat reflecting off as if I was on fire.  The taste of his chap stick still lingering on my lips.

"Aleah?"

I cocked my head to the side.  "Yeah?"

"I love you."