Please Be Okay: Aaron's perspective

"Fuck."  I ran my hand through my hair.  "Are you shitting me, Brad?"  I immediately started throwing random things haphazardly into a duffel bag.  I couldn't fucking believe he attacked her again.  I knew, deep down, I just KNEW that I shouldn't have left her.  I'm sorry, Aleah.  Please be okay.

"I just thought you'd want to know.  Don't do anything stupid, Aaron."  I hung up the burner phone, throwing it into the bag along with whatever else I'd tossed in there.

I rolled my eyes.  I knew even taking off like this could jeopardize everything for me, but I didn't care.  Making sure Aleah was okay was more important.  Leaving her was terrible, but ultimately, I was doing it for us.  I knew having this experience would lend its hand one day for a major payoff, probably in the form of a promotion.  I wanted to be more than enough for her.

If she even knew how close to her I really was, she wouldn't be happy that I hadn't contacted her.  But I couldn't.  Infiltrating this drug ring was crucial, and that meant only meeting my one police contact in our designated spot at the predetermined meeting times.  I couldn't have outside contact with anyone.  Another undercover had made it in, and he was bringing me in, as a friend from a previous life, trying to enter into this one.  They needed someone young and attractive who could swing the partying lifestyle, and not only talk the talk, but walk it.

I shoved Jose's shoulder, as he lay still passed out on the other cheap hotel bed we were crashing in after our long night of drinking.  My headache was only worsening with each passing minute.  He was my partner, and I needed to let him know I was going to be gone for a minute, without letting him know.  We never knew when we were being watched.  "Jose.  Jose!" I shook him, to wake him up.

He stirred, groggily, blindly swatting at my hand.  "Dude, what," he said without opening his eyes.

"I gotta go, brah."

He opened an eye to look at me.  He propped himself up on an elbow, yawning, and cocked an eyebrow at me.  I knew he was silently asking me where without asking.

"I just need to walk last night's shit off."  That was literally a code for "it's personal and I can't tell right now."

"Don't be long.  We have to swing by Tito's."  He gave me a pointed look.

I knew what that meant.  We had an "engagement" that we needed to be at later in the day.  I nodded my head at him and left.

~~~~~~~

I had a baseball hat on, and looked grungy.  I made sure I did.  I didn't want anyone recognizing me.  The door to Aleah's hospital room was shut.  I lightly knocked on the door, and there was no answer.  Perfect.

I slipped in, and knew I needed to make my visit brief.

I stopped when I saw her.  Eyes closed, hooked up to machines.  Her head was wrapped in a bandage.  I put my hand to my forehead, blinking hard.  I don't cry.

But.

Seeing Aleah helpless, almost appearing lifeless, hurt.  I didn't protect her and I should have.  I should've been there to beat the shit out of that worthless fucker, Luke.  I sniffed hard, pulling it together, wiping the lone tear that threatened to break the barrier across my cheek. 

I approached slowly, holding the bouquet of flowers in my hand.  I got her favorite.  I couldn't have her know I was there, so in the small wafer thin paper stuck in the flowers, I had drawn a heart, and that's it.  I hoped she would know just by that.

As I neared her bed, she seemed to stir.  Her head moved slightly, and her eyes fluttered half open.  She didn't appear to be with it. 

"Hey babe," I said gently, hoping she wouldn't hear the waver in my voice.

She smiled, barely.  It made my heart clench, in pain.  I smiled back, but wasn't sure she could even tell, as her eyes were more closed than open.  Her mouth opened slightly, but she didn't speak.  I set the flowers on the table next to her bed and grabbed her hand closest to me with both of mine.  It was cold and limp.

I swallowed hard.  "You know I had to see you with my own eyes."  To make sure you are okay.  I needed to make sure you weren't hurt beyond repair.  I wouldn't forgive myself if you were.

I squeezed her hand.  I grabbed the flowers and showed them to her.  "I brought you this."  I set the vase on the table next to the couch.

I again thought of Luke and what he had done.  I clenched my fists, but forced myself to release.  "I should have been there.  I'm so sorry."  My voice was shaking, precluding the thunder before the storm.  I didn't know if I could hold it together.

I grabbed her hand again and just sat there for a few minutes  I knew I didn't have much time.  I then noticed a single tear falling down her cheek.  I hastily wiped it away.  I love her so much, I felt as if I was going to implode.

Her hair that was sticking from under the bandage was plastered to her forehead and temple.  I stroked it back, pushing it behind her ear.  "I love you," I said, as I kissed her cheek.  I continued pushing her hair back behind her ear, my fingers gently caressing her face, until her eyes fully closed again.

At that moment, I contemplated backing out of my gig.  I thought about calling my temporary boss and telling him I couldn't do it.  However, I also knew Aleah would be very angry with me if she knew I did.  She would be thankful I was there, but would also be very angry.

I placed my finger tips on either side of her face, and kissed her lightly on her lips.  "I love you," I told her one more time, before I quietly slipped out of her room, and left the hospital.