LbA: Dilemma

Once inside my apartment after cleaning up the stairs, I immediately got into the shower.  I was completely grossed out by the Great Trash Incident of 2014.  By the time I was out, I had missed my two morning classes.  Coach was not going to be happy if he found out, seeing as how we’d basically been gone the past several weeks.

I grabbed my syllabus’ from the two classes and the text books and my laptop, slid everything into a bag and left to head to a coffee shop.  I decided that if I wasn’t going to be able to make the classes, the least I could do would be to catch up on the reading and work on any papers coming due.

I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered a Chai Latte, and hunkered down in a corner on one of the plush comfy chairs with all my stuff surrounding me.  I plugged headphones into my phone and hit my music playlist on random.

I sat there for hours, and felt that it was the most productive I had been in my whole college career combined.  I smiled, happy.  I checked the time and tensed up, momentarily forgetting that I didn’t have practice and thinking I was late.  I relaxed again, thankful that we had two weeks off of practice before we started up again to prepare for season start in January. 

I opened up Facebook on my laptop and started faux-stalking people.  I was quickly writing happy birthday on the walls of those whose day it was, when I felt someone watching me.  I slowly moved my eyes up from my laptop.

It took me a moment to register the smiling face in front of me, but I set my laptop on the table in front of me and jumped up.  I ran over and threw my arms around Joe’s neck.  “Joseph Peterson!  How are you, friend?” I squealed.

“Aleah!  It is so good to see you.”  He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing tightly.

“I’ve missed you!  I’m so sorry I’ve been a bad friend.  I really should be calling you more often.”  I pulled away and went and sat down and he came and sat in the chair next to mine.

“It’s okay.  Obviously the phone works both ways.”

“So, what are you doing?  Where are you working?”

“I’m working for the Big Brothers, Big Sisters corporate offices, but also have a “little brother,” too.  I just really wanted to do something to help people.  I have such a passion for kids these days and feel like they aren’t parented or mentored appropriately, so I want to be able to be that figure that these boys out here can look up to.”

“Joe, that’s so great!  You make a great role model.”

He smiled, warmly.  “What about you?  How are classes?  Excited to almost be done?”

“Oh my gosh, yes.  I just really don’t enjoy going to classes.  I mean, I’ve learned some interesting stuff, but I’m ready to be done with school.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do, yet?”

“No.  I figured I have time to look, right?”

He laughed.  “Sure.  I’ve been checking the tennis website to watch the results.  You’ve done well so far!  How are you feeling about this being your last season?”

I sighed.  “I’m actually sad about it.  I’m really going to miss not only being on a team, but just competing.”

“You know they have adult leagues.  And you can still enter into some tournaments with me!”

“True.  We’ll have to play in some summer leagues next year.  Our rating is going to be so high, though.  Hopefully they’ll have a team around here we can join.”

“So, how’s the love life?”

“It’s really good,” I gushed.  “I’ve been seeing this guy, Chase.  He’s an accountant and treats me really well!”

“Just seeing?  Not exclusive?”

“Well... not yet.  I feel like it’s probably heading that way.  But I think there’s this detective that has a crush on me or something, too.”  I could feel myself uncontrollably grinning, while talking about Chase and Aaron.

Joe raised an eyebrow at me.  “Interesting.  Is that crush mutual?”

I quickly (too quickly) said, “No!”  Joe gave me a look.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”  I shyly looked away.  “There’s just something... different about him.  He’s not like anyone I’ve ever dated.  What about you?”  I was feeling anxious to change the focus of conversation off of me, all of a sudden.  I realized that maybe I wasn’t as sure about my feelings towards those two guys, and I didn’t want to think about it right then.

“I’ve gone on a few dates.  Nothing too serious.”

Joe and I sat there and caught up for awhile longer, about our families, more on his job, and making plans to hit soon.  By the time he said he needed to go-he was taking his “little brother” to the arcade- I realized how much I had missed him.  I promised to do a better job of staying in touch. 

When I got back to the apartment, Maddie was curled up on the couch watching Moulin Rouge.  She and Sarah were obsessed with it.  They watched it constantly and when they weren’t watching it, they were playing the soundtrack and singing it.  Very off key.

“Really, Maddie?  Really.  Moulin Rouge again?”

She laughed.  “You know I love it.  Hey, where were you in class today?”

I shook my head, rolling my eyes.  I told her about the Great Trash Incident of 2014.  She laughed.  “I’m sorry.”

“You bought those shitty trash bags?”  I was still bitter.

“No, I didn’t.  But, it really sounds like you should be thanking whoever it was.  Because you ran into Detective Hottie!”

I blushed.  “Whatever.”

“Aleah, he is seriously gorgeous.  I said it before and I’ll say it again.  You would have beautiful babies together.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Okay, Maddie.  We’ve had this conversation before.”

“Yeah, yeah.  You’re seeing Chase, blah blah.  But not exclusively.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear then, that Aaron owes me a beer.”

She fist pumped.  Literally, she fist pumped hearing that.

“Why do you hate Chase?”

She looked at me, bewildered.  “I don’t.  Trust me.  My opinion is based purely on looks.  I mean, Chase is really good looking.  But Detective Hottie is just... sexy.  You’re lucky that Gavin and I are back together!”

I widened my eyes.  “You are!  That’s so great!  Oh Maddie, I’m so happy for you!”

I smiled.  “I am, too.  I’m glad he forgave me for freaking out.  He’s been much more attentive.”

I slyly looked at her hand to see if the ring was on her finger, and it wasn’t.  I decided to not mention having spoken with Gavin.  “He better be or else I’m going to have to kick his butt.”

She shook her head.  I leaned over against her, deciding to suffer through Moulin Rouge, since I hadn’t seen Maddie in weeks, it seemed.  I mentioned to her that Chase and I were going out with Sarah and Matt Friday for Halloween, but that we needed to plan a night in sometime soon with Elena and Sarah so we could all get caught up and have some much needed girl time.  She agreed.

I got into bed by 9:30 p.m., which was the earliest I had gone to bed since I was in high school, probably.  But while there, I tossed and turned, feeling torn about my feelings.  I felt so content with Chase.  But there was something so electrifying about Aaron.  I knew people dated multiple people all the time.  But I hadn't.  I mean, I know going for a drink with Aaron was just possibly a onetime thing, it didn’t mean we were getting married, but I felt guilty doing that and not telling Chase.  But I also felt giddy about the possibility of seeing Aaron again.

I finally forced myself to start imagining getting a new haircut, to think about anything other than my conundrum.  And eventually, I drifted off.

LbA: I Spy

When I opened my eyes, Aaron was looking at me, inquisitively.  I raised an eyebrow at him, and wrapped my arms around myself, cold.  “What are you doing here?” I questioned.

“Stalking you,” he deadpanned.

I stared at him, blankly, unsure if he was joking or not.  I mean, he had been kind of crossing paths with me a lot.  I mean, Lincoln isn’t huge, but it isn’t tiny, either.

He cracked a smile, then.  “I’m joking, lighten up,” he quipped, playfully punching my shoulder.  “I was running.  That’s all!”

“Oh, right,” I acknowledged, embarrassed.  I quickly noted his sweatiness, again. 

“And you’re locked out.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”  I was frustrated.  Although it wasn’t okay for me to be snippy with him for this situation.

“He-ey,” he soothingly called, “can I help?”

I sighed.  “No, sorry.  I mean, thank you for offering.  I’ll probably just buzz up and down the list until hopefully someone lets me in.”

“I can wait for you,” he offered, “so you aren’t out here alone.”  He looked around, casually, though perceptively, and rested his hands on his hips, I figured normally where he gun was holstered.  I wonder if he felt naked without it.

I half grinned at him.  “I think I’ll be okay right in front of a common area in broad daylight...”

“I know.” He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  “I think I’ll wait anyway.  I need a breather.”  And the look he was giving me, told me not to challenge him.

I shrugged.  “If you want.  But you’ll probably get cold.”

“Nah,” he countered, sitting down on the step in front of the door.

I started at the top and buzzed down each room number, praying for an answer, or at least a “who’s this” from the intercom.  But no such luck.  I took the two steps over and plopped down next to Aaron and rested my face in my hands, my elbows on my knees.

“Let’s play a game.”

I looked over at him, intrigued.  “What kind of game?”

“We’re going to play ‘I spy’ and you have 10 guesses to get it right.”

“We’re outdoors!  I could ask you 200 questions and still not get it right!”

“Humor me,” he sweetly said.

“And if I don’t get it?”

“You have to let me buy you a beer.”

“And if I win?”

“You get to let me buy you a beer,” he smiled mischievously at me.

I laughed.  “We’ll see.”

He started, “I spy with my little eye, something brown.”

I looked around at the wide open space with multiple cars, buildings, and wildlife (aka squirrels).  “Is it a tree trunk?”

“Which one?”

“Seriously?”

He grinned, “No.  It’s not.”

I frowned, concentrating, looking at all the brown options.  I made eight more of what I thought to be quality guesses, but they were wrong.  As I was contemplating my last one, the wind started blowing, loosening a strand of my hair and blowing it across my face.  I pulled it away from me, and looked at it.  “Is it my hair?”

“Ding, ding, ding!  We have a winner!  It looks like I’m now stuck with the burden of having to buy you a beer!”

I rolled my eyes at him, but laughed at (or with) him.  “Well, it’s your lucky day, I suppose.”

I slyly looked over at him, and saw him studying me.  The wind blew again, wrapping that same annoying strand around my face.  He reached over and grasped it, taking it and combing it with his fingers behind my ear.  I froze, his touch sending goosebumps down my arms.  He paused with his fingers still entwined in my hair right behind my ear, his face now serious but tender. 

And although the moment lasted mere seconds, it felt like hours. 

And that is how we were sitting when I heard the door to the building pop open.  I jerked away, as if being caught red-handed doing something naughty, and he slowly recoiled his hand. 

I turned to see Victoria standing there with an amused expression on her face.  Of course it had to be her.  “One guy not enough for you?  You bring multiple guys home within weeks?  Trashy.”  She said it with all the poison she could muster in her voice, but there was something else in her eyes.  Words meant to hurt and/or embarrass me.  But her look...  Pity?  Jealousy?  Hate? I couldn’t quite tell.

I clenched my jaw shut, but wanted to reach out and slap her.  I could feel the heat rising up my neck to my face.

Aaron quickly stood up, reaching out his hand to her.  Seriously?  What is wrong with him?  He smiled a sickly sweet smile.  “Hi, I’m Aaron, and you are?”

Her eyes darted between Aaron and me, her expression changing to uneasiness.  “Um, Victoria.”  She hesitantly stuck her hand out and grasped his.

Apparently limply, because Aaron exclaimed, “Girl, you need to work on that handshake!  It’s like grabbing a dead fish!”

Her eyes widened, clear mortification clouding her face.  “Oh.. uh, okaaayy.” 

“And I’m not sure what you were trying to say to my friend, Aleah, here, but she’s quite the opposite of trashy.  Not a slut, as you seemed to be implying, and not ‘bringing me home,’ as you were trying to infer.”

He was quite a bit taller than me, and towered over Victoria, who was looking up at him like a puppy being scolded.  I was shocked that he was defending me.  I was watching the exchange, and it seemed as if they didn’t even know I was there anymore.  Victoria wasn’t saying anything, and I saw her finally break Aaron’s gaze and looked past him.  I turned my head and saw Luke striding up towards us.  Victoria let go of the still open door and flitted between us, towards Luke.  Aaron reached out and grabbed the door before it closed. 

Victoria was animatedly talking to Luke, who was looking at Aaron and me.  They started walking out to the parking lot, and Aaron lightly grabbed my elbow.  “Hey,” he said gently.  “Are you okay?”

I snapped out of the trance I seemed to have been in and faced him.  “Yeah, sorry.”

“That’s them?  Who you talked to Brad about?”

“Oh, yeah.”

He pulled out his cell phone from his pants pocket.  “What’s your number?  I’m going to text you so you have my cell.  If you need anything, please let me know.  Plus, I’m going to need your number anyway, for that beer I now owe you,” he added, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled appreciatively at him.  “Thanks.”  And I told him my number.

“For nothing,” he said as he slid his phone back into his pocket and took off jogging again.

LbA: Trashy

The next couple of weeks flew by due to traveling for tennis.  When I got back, I chose to drive straight to my parents’ house instead of going to my apartment.  I was exhausted and just needed to sleep.  It was the middle of the day, but I didn’t want to be interrupted by the noises in the building or my roommates coming in and out of the apartment.  I got to my parents’ home and crashed.

Several hours later I woke up, feeling much more refreshed.  I had texted my mom before falling asleep to let her know what I was doing.  I stretched long and yawned.  I grabbed my cell and clicked the power button to awaken my phone’s screen to check the time and my phone was dead.  I rolled over and plugged my phone in. 

I strained to listen and could hear some light clanging.  I got up and padded out to the kitchen, where my mom was emptying the dishwasher.  “Hey, mother,” I called.

My mom turned and smiled at me.  “Hey, daughter.”

I sat down at a stool at the kitchen bar.  “I think I’m going to stay tonight and drive back in the morning.”

“Oh, good.  I’ve missed you!  We’re having chili and cinnamon rolls for dinner.”

I grinned widely at her.  “Mmm.  Love.”  Maddie had teased me profusely when I had first introduced her to that combination.  It’s a widely Nebraska favorite.  But absolutely delicious.  Maddie, not being from Nebraska, didn’t understand it.  But once she had it together, she won’t eat anything else with chili.

My night passed by quickly.  It was so good to be home.  My dad was back teaching again, and seemed to be doing a lot better.  I guess they were kind of in a watching stage to make sure the tumor was completely gone.  They were doing another CAT scan and MRI in a few weeks to check his progress.

 Ben (Zach’s dad) was out of town on business, so my parents invited Gloria over that evening and we played Spades and drank wine (naturally).

“Aleah, Zach was asking me how you’ve been doing,” Gloria stated with raised eyebrows.  I knew it was still our parents’ dream for us to be together.

“Oh, yeah?  And how is Zach?” I asked.  Truly curious, but at the same time I really didn’t want to know.  Deep down, I was hoping he wasn't dating anyone, as selfish as that was.  Double standard, I know.

“Zach is doing so well!” Gloria’s face lit up as she spoke about him.  The way mine did.. or used to.  With love.  “He acquired an internship at a hospital down there in the pediatrics unit, and his classes have been going well.  I think this semester he will have a 4.0.  He’s going to visit some medical schools around the country, but the first few are in New York, I believe.”

“Hmm, yeah, I know Zach’s dream is to go to medical school,” I said wistfully.  And immediately after hearing her mention New York I was taken back to our trip there last school year.  To the hotel.  To our sightseeing.  To the handholding and kissing.  To the ring.  I started spinning my finger, feeling naked, as I had put the ring up in a keepsake box of mine at my dorm. 

“I think that would be really nice, Aleah,” I heard my mom say.

I snapped out of my daydreaming.  “Sorry, what?”

My mom slightly frowned at me.  I’m sure for my rudeness of not paying attention.  My mom said, “Gloria was just saying that she thinks Zach misses you, and how you should give him a call sometime, and I said that would be nice.”

“Oh...” I trailed off, trying to quickly think of how to finish.  “Um, I do miss him, too.  I just know he’s busy and didn’t want to interrupt him.”  Though really, it was unspokenly too difficult for us to talk often.  When we had broken up three years earlier, we didn’t keep in touch for that exact same reason, until we’d run into each other that fateful day last spring.

“Dear, you know that Zach would never be upset if you called.”

The subject was changed then, and I went back to daydreaming about our New York trip.  I also thought of Elisabeth, and how it’d been awhile since we spoke.  We talked on the phone usually once a month, catching up.  We had developed a friendship, though long distance.  I made a mental note to give her a call sometime soon and touch base.  Last I knew she was going to surprise Lukas in Florida, and I knew that was awhile ago.

I lightly thumbed my right ring finger a couple more times, the emptiness of it, feeling like a burden.  I decided that I would start wearing the ring again, once I got back to school.  If anything, it was always a token of Zach’s love for me that I didn’t want to ever forget, no matter where our paths took us.

When I walked into my apartment the next morning, everyone was already gone for classes.  And it smelled horrible.  I didn’t want to be stuck in a smelly apartment.  I could tell there was something rotten in the trash or fridge. 

Before showering, I opened the fridge and saw several containers of food and soup that were in the fridge from before my first tennis trip.  I grabbed some grocery bags and emptied the food into them and dumped them in the trash, gagging at the putrid smell that seeped out at the opening of the lids.  I took the lid to the trashcan off and grabbed the bag.  My finger broke through the plastic, and I swore under my breath.  As roommates, we took turns buying trash bags (and other various household items), and whoever had bought these most recent ones went the cheap route.

I sighed and heaved the bag out of the can, tying the drawstrings closed.  I briskly walked out of the apartment towards the stairs.  I started down the stairs.  Half way down, the plastic surrounding the drawstring ripped a ring around the top of the bag.  I was left standing there holding the red drawstrings, watching the now open bag tumble down the stairs.

I closed my eyes.  “Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered under my breath, for the second time today.  I stared down at the trail of something resembling flour and soup remnants, staining the cheap linoleum.  I rolled my eyes and internally screamed. 

I decided to take the ripping bag out to the dumpster before cleaning the mess.  I picked up the bag, squeezing the rest of the top of the thin plastic together, seeing it was ripping, and hugged it to my body.  I scrunched up my nose at the smell.  I started power walking to the dumpster, feeling the plastic spreading thinner and thinner.  I put my hand under the bag to support it, and my fingers plunged straight into the bottom of the bag, my hand and forearm now encompassed in trash.  I finally made it to the dumpster and threw the bag in there and looked down at my liquidy/trash covered forearm and hand.  I ran back to my building, knowing I needed to clean up the mess before anyone slipped in it.

I grabbed the door handle with my one clean hand and tugged, the door of course locked.  And me, of course, keyless.  In my haste to get the trash out, I had forgotten my keys.  And it was chilly out.  I slammed both of my hands on the window in the door, leaving one gross, murky reddish/brownish handprint.  I dropped my head and closed my eyes, thinking.  I knew most people would be gone for class.  I guess I could always start buzzing down the line of buzzers to see if anyone was there and awake.

I heard some hearty laughter behind me and turned to see Aaron standing behind me.  Although sweaty, he was still sexy in sweats, tshirt, and running shoes.  I looked down at my reddish/herb/flour/liquidy covered arm, my oversized Nebraska Wesleyan track tshirt circa 2000 I had found at Goodwill several years ago that I sleep in, my hot pink tie-dyed pajama pants, and flip flops, and imagined my unwashed hair gathered in a slumpy half-side ponytail and leftover makeup from the day before.  I closed my eyes, willing for this day to end, already.