First and Last

*2 Weeks Ago*

"Aleah!"


It sounded like my name, but I felt stupid turning around if it wasn't.  I kept walking briskly, enjoying the summer heat, but needing to get back to work.  I'd already taken an extended lunch so I could eat and stop in a couple shops.  Aaron and I weren't planning on getting married until next year, but I'd already started perusing bridal shops and created Pinterest boards.  You never know when lightening may strike!


"Aleah!!" I heard, louder.  This time I turned around.  Zach.


He gave me his killer smile.  "I've been calling your name for like a full block now!"


I giggled, embarrassed.  "Sorry.  I was lost in my thoughts."


"It's okay.  I was going to see if you wanted to grab lunch, but I see you already ate," he nodded towards the leftover food box I was carrying.


"Oh yeah, I had grabbed lunch with a friend." I don't know why I felt the need to lie.  "With Aaron."


"How's he doing?"


"Good.  He's been working a lot, going through training for SWAT."


"That's awesome!  Tell him congrats for me."


"Will do."  I lifted my hand to check my watch.  "I really have to get going, I'm..."


Before I could finish, Zach let out a low whistle and grabbed my hand, pulling it closer to his face.


"Aleah, I didn't know," he said softly.  "Congratulations.  He did a good job."  I blushed and looked at his face, but his expression was unreadable. 


"Thank you," I replied, looking down at the ring sparkling on my finger.


"Hey, anyway, I know you need to go, but would you want to get lunch or dinner or a drink sometime soon?"


"Oh, yeah, sure, that'd be great."  I mentally scolded myself for how awkward I now sounded.  "Just, um, text me.  You still have my number?"


"Of course.  I would never lose it."  He smiled at me again, causing me to melt just a little, and he turned to walk away.

~~~~~~~ Current Day ~~~~~~~

I wiped sweat off my forehead with my forearm and sighed.  "This is taking forever," I complained to Sarah.  Since moving in to Aaron's, he had graciously agreed to let me do some painting and upgrading.  I was currently painting the bathroom and Sarah was helping me.  She was much more into home project stuff than I was.

"Stop whining.  I already told you I have a bottle of pink moscato waiting for us as a reward for when we're done."

"Will you two keep living here, now that you guys are getting married?"

"I don't know.  We haven't talked about it. I'd like to get a bigger house, to plan for the future."

"Your kids would be absolutely adorable," she gushed, as a best friend should.

I rolled my eyes.  "That is no where on my radar yet."  She laughed.

"So tell me what happened with Zach."

I told her about seeing him, and how he wanted to get some sort of food.  I told her how awkward I still felt around him and I didn't like how he made me feel, because those feelings made me feel guilty.

"Do you still love him?" she asked, turning her head to watch me.

"I think part of me always will.  We were together a long time.  He was my first love," I finished, quietly, hating to admit that.

"Okay?  But do you want him to be your last?"

And that was the question I wasn't sure how to answer.



I Choose You

*3 Weeks Ago*

"Let's go for a walk," Aaron suggested.


I internally breathed a sigh of relief.  "Okay."


We were in Chicago visiting Aaron's family.  It was my first time meeting all of his 8,000 sisters.  By 8,000 I mean 4.  But it sure felt like 8,000.


His mom and Rosa were of course welcoming.  His oldest sister Emma, was super warm and sweet.  She embraced me as soon as we walked in the door.  I think if we lived closer we would be super close, shopping and hanging out a lot.  She's 26.  His next sister, Ilianna, is my age (23).  I think she hated me before we were ever born.  His two youngest sisters, Olivia (18) and Uma (16) were teenagers.  Olivia was indifferent to my presence.  She wasn't rude, just uninterested.  And Uma instantly latched on to me.  I think only because she loved my clothing, to be honest.


Aaron glanced at what I was wearing (spandex shorts and oversized tank because we had gone running a little earlier and I hadn't showered yet).  "Actually, why don't you shower first.  We're going to go into Chicago and go for a short walk to get some fresh air, but then we'll go to dinner."


"Oh, okay.  Any requests?" I winked at him.


He grinned.  "Yeah, wear the pink dress."


I rolled my eyes at him and laughed.  "Anything for you."  I knew he really just liked my legs in that dress.


When I was ready, we drove to the train and took it into Chicago.  I had on nude pumps so we took a cab out to the lakefront path.


"Aaron, it's gorgeous out here," I commented, as we were walking along the lake switching between the Chicago skyline and the lake.  Aaron squeezed my hand, and pulled me over to a vacant bench, guiding me to sit.  He sat next to me, his body angled towards me, and grabbed both of my hands.


"Aleah, it is gorgeous out here.  However, there is no skyline, no lake, beach, mountain, or any view on this earth that can outshine your beauty.  Your beauty may be breathtaking, but your inner beauty is even more radiant.  Every day since I've known you, I have tried to be the man you could be proud of, that you would want to be with, that makes you smile.  You make me want to be the best man I could possibly be.  You bring out emotions in me that I've never desired to show anyone else before.  You make my life vibrant.  Aleah, I love you with my whole heart.  It has been my honor to have had you by my side for this long, and I could only hope, dream, and pray that you would be willing to continue to be by my side, for the rest of our lives.  I can't promise you that we won't fight, that we'll always like each other, and that we will always make each other happy.  But I can promise you that I will spend every day of my life giving you, and only you, all of me.  I choose you forever, sweet girl."  He slid off the bench down on to one knee, pulling a ring box from his pocket.  "Aleah, will you continue doing me the honor of letting me love you, for the rest of our lives?"


My hands were covering my mouth.  I had never thought I would be the girl to cry when being proposed to, but yet here I was: tears streaming down my face.  Aaron's eyes were soft and excited.  Expectant and nervous.  But mostly, full of adoration.


I lowered my hands.  "Yes, Aaron.  Yes!  One hundred thousand times yes.  I will choose you over and over every time!"


He took a thumb and wiped my cheek free of tears, then left his hand lingering and gently kissed me.  He picked the ring up from the box and shakily slipped it onto my left ring finger.  He pulled me up by both hands and wrapped his arms around my waist, easily lifting me from the ground, kissing me hard, smiling against my mouth.  When he set me down, we slowly remembered it wasn't just us in the world, and we heard people aww'ing and clapping.  He leaned down and kissed me again, linked fingers with mine and started leading me back from where we had come.


Then, as if he hadn't already won my heart, he secured it by taking me to Geja's Café: fondue.  A lot of people think fondue is cheesy (lol, pun intended) but I love it.  Because, food.


Once we were done eating, we Facetimed my parents, who apparently had been waiting for our call.  He knew I was old-fashioned and would've wanted him to ask my dad's blessing, which he did.


My mom cried.  My dad promised a celebratory dinner and drinks when we were back in Nebraska.


When we finally got back to his mom's house, it was dark outside.  When we walked in, they were all still up and waiting.  Apparently everyone knew what was going to happen.  There was champagne already poured in glasses.  There were congratulations all around.  Well, from everyone but Ilianna.  No surprise there.  She was present, but definitely not congratulatory.  Girl doesn't even know me.  *Sigh*


Anyhow, once we finally were settled into the room we were staying in, we collapsed into bed.  Aaron leaned his body over onto mine and gently kissed along my jaw line.  "I love you Aleah," he whispered between kisses.  "I really have no words for how happy I am."  More kisses.  "Today has, by far, been the second best day of my life."  He gently nibbled my ear.  "Only second to the day you agreed to go on a date with me, because without that day, this day wouldn't have been possible."


His lips made contact with mine, and we made out like it was the first time.  We had agreed to nothing heavy while in his mom's home.  We had one more night out here before we left.  Aaron had already told me he booked us a hotel in Chicago.  Originally, I thought it was because it would be closer since we were flying out O'Hare.


Now, I knew it was so we could have a whole night to ourselves in celebration.

New blog

Hey all!


I'm starting another blog in addition to this one.  I needed a different story line to keep my creative juices flowing, so to speak.  I can't take Aleah to the place I want this new blog to go, so I guess the benefit for you is you'll have 2 blogs of mine to read.


I don't/won't have a posting schedule right away because I want to gauge the story, where I want it to go, and get feedback from you all.


It's a little taboo and definitely different than my current one.  I have the first 2 posts written.  Bear with me as they are a little slower and building the story up.


Give me yours thoughts on it!


http://lexyinthelight.blogspot.com/


~A

Fading

"I don't know where I'd be without you in my life," he smiled up at me.


I clapped my hands over my mouth.  He was now down on one knee.  My smile was radiating out from beyond my hands.  I'd been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever.


"Aleah, you're my best friend and my love.  You're the first thing I think about when I wake up, and definitely the last thing I'm dreaming about as I drift off to sleep.  There is no one else I'd rather have by my side for the rest of my life."  He was returning my smile, his eyes hopeful and glistening. 


He pulled out a box from the inside of his blazer with the familiar blue ribbon on it.  He opened up the box, the diamond bouncing off the street lamps that were over the river walkway we were on.  His hand, and the box, were slightly quivering.  He was so nervous. 


I went to open my mouth and nothing came out.  I went to look at the ring again and it was blurry, its picture fading out.


I furrowed my brows and looked back into his eyes.  "Something isn't right," I could hear myself saying.


"Aleah, what's wrong?"


"Zach..." I trailed off.  The edges started fading into blackness.  Soon, all I could see was Zach's earnest, yet concerned face


"Aleah!  Aleah?"  Then all I could make out was him mouthing my name, and I couldn't hear him.


Then.. "Aleah!"


I jerked awake.  Aaron was slightly shaking me.  I was drenched in sweat, my hands still over my mouth.  "Aleah, are you okay?"


I nodded my head, as I didn't trust myself to speak yet. 


Aaron touched his hand to my cheek, turning my face to his.  "Are you okay?  You were mumbling in your sleep... and..." he didn't finish.


He wiped my cheek, and I realized I had been crying.  He didn't say what we were both thinking: this was the third time this week I'd woken up crying.


"I'm sorry," I whispered.


He kissed my forehead.  "Don't be. I'm so sorry you've been having nightmares."


I cringed hearing the lie I'd told him coming out of his mouth. 


"Come here," he murmured, wrapping an arm under and around me, pulling me to him. 


I curled up against him, resting my hand on his chest.  I sighed, relaxing against his warmth and strength. 


I cracked open my eyes and the faint glow of the sunrise peeking in the window reflected off the sparkling diamond on my left hand, reminding me of the dream I'd had for the third time this week, and I tensed against Aaron's loving embrace.

Coming back...

Sooo......


I'll be back soon :)


My first post will be up on Thursday at 8 a.m.  It is scheduled and ready to go!


I can't guarantee a posting schedule quite yet, but I'm going to attempt to have posts up Thursday mornings as of right now. My goal is to write several in advance to schedule.  If that changes, I'll let you know.  If there's not one up, it's probably because I wasn't able to finish up a post, but I'll also try to let you know beforehand if that's going to happen.


Excited to be back, and let me know what you'd like to see coming up this "season!"

Annual Barbeque

I sighed and rearranged some flowers in the one of the many vases that were spread out among tables.  I looked around at the table-clothed card tables, purposefully arranged under a large open-sided canopy.


I dropped my hands to my sides, closed my eyes, and breathed deeply, then exhaled slowly.   I was soaking in the 80 degrees, absolutely loving the sunny weather.  I opened my eyes and observed the country scenery outside of the canopy.


I felt hand rest on my hips, then, and slide around to my stomach.  "Well, hello, my love," Aaron's voice whispered in my ear, his lips lightly pressed against my ear.  "It looks really nice out here!"


I rolled my eyes and turned in Aaron's embrace to face him.  I kissed him on his cheek.  "Yeah, well, you know my parents.  Go big or go home. I still can't believe they insisted on this."


He feigned shock.  "You mean, most parents don't throw 'conviction parties' for their child?"


"You know, that's a good point," I playfully punched his arm.  "More people should have big parties when their child's batterer slash almost rapist slash stalker gets sentenced to the slammer for 80 years."


He intertwined his fingers in mine and we started walking up towards my parents' house.  "Well, I don't believe that was the wording on the invite."


I sighed again.  "Oh I know.  They're calling it their annual summer barbeque.  However," I stopped in my tracks and grabbed both of Aaron's hands, "it is a little suspicious that they haven't had this barbeque since the summer after my senior year of high school.  It's just going to be awkward because of how blown up the trial ended up being in the news.  Everyone knows, and I'm hoping no one will ask."


He placed both hands on either side of my face, kissing my forehead.  "Well, you just give me the look, and I will come rushing to your aide."  He winked at me. 


I laughed and we headed inside my parents' house to see what we could help with.

~~~~~~~

"Hey, lady!" Sarah called out to me.  I grinned at her.  "Annual barbeque, huh?"

"I guess expect an invite next year, since it's now annual!"

She laughed.  She side nodded her head towards the guy at her side, and she blushed.  "Aleah, this is Justin."

"Ah!  So this is the infamous Justin!  I've heard so much about you," I teased as I obviously winked three times at Sarah.

"Aleah!"  Her blush deepened.

"Well, I sure hope they were all good things!  Aleah, it's nice to meet you."  Justin's voice was silky smooth and he stuck out his hand to shake mine. 

Since Sarah's breakup with Matt, she'd had a hard time, but Justin was a co-worker that had been her shoulder to cry on.  I hadn't been the best friend, nor roommate, because of everything I was dealing with.  Apparently they had just become "officially exclusive" the night before, and I hadn't met him, yet.  She had just signed a lease for a rental house, and was going to be on her own within the next couple of weeks.  At first I was really hurt and thought she was moving out because of how crappy a friend I had been.  Turns out, that wasn't the case at all, I found out later.

*** Two Weeks Prior***

"I promise this won't take long, Aleah." 

I was annoyed.  Aaron and I were supposed to be going to dinner and we had reservations.  It was a newly opened restaurant that I'd been dying to try.  He insisted on stopping by the detective's bureau because he "forgot to do something that would only take a minute."  He had stationed me at his desk.

I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through Facebook, hoping that whatever he needed to do would really only take a minute.  I crossed my leg and admired my new Michael Kors heels I had just splurged on.  I loved them.  I set my phone on his desk and leaned down to rub a smudge of dirt on the side I must've accumulated somehow, already.

When I looked up, Aaron was standing in front of me with one of his hands behind his back.  I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.  "So, whatcha doin?"

He reached out with his visible hand and pulled me up to him.  He withdrew his hidden hand and produced a single red rose.  A smile started to warm my face.  "Aleah, I need to ask you something."

I felt butterflies in my stomach.  I wasn't sure where he was going with this.  And his apparent nervousness etched all across his face wasn't easing those butterflies.

"Aleah, the reason I brought you here, to my office," he flourished his hands around, "is because this is the very first place we ever met, when you were in here visiting Brad.  I don't want this place tainted with negative memories and thoughts because of why you were here and because of what my job required of both of us.  I love you, and want to wake up to you every morning, and would love for you to be the last thing I see before I go to bed every night.  So, Aleah, will you move in with me?"  He grinned hopefully at me. 

"Oh, Aaron, I would love to!"  As he handed me the rose, that's when I noticed a key tied with a delicate white ribbon to the stem of the rose.

Fast forward a couple hours to dinner, and it turned out Sarah wasn't moving out.  She was going to rent my house from my parents.  Aaron had already discussed it with her and my father. 

"I still have so much packing to do!" I exclaimed to Sarah.

"This weekend, we will have a packing party.  You know, I'll help.  I'm sure we can convince Aaron and Justin to help, too, with the persuasion of pizza and beer."

Justin chimed in, "Pizza and beer?  I have no idea what you guys were talking about before that, but whatever it is, I'm in!"

Aaron who had just walked up and introduced himself to Justin added, "I'm on-call this weekend, but as long as I'm not called out, you know I'll be up there!"

I smiled at all of them.  "You guys are the best.  I'm going to call Victoria, Maddie, and Elena, too, and see if they would want to join in."

I heard a voice sing out from behind me, "My ears are ringing!"

I hugged Victoria, welcoming her to the party.  We made small talk, and went through the normal greetings.  Victoria lightly gripped my upper arm and quietly asked if she could pull me aside for a minute.

I followed her just outside the edge of the canopy.  "Hey, Aleah, I know this is the last thing you probably want to talk about, but I just wanted to tell you I'm so happy that Luke was convicted and sentenced for as long as he was.  I also wanted to tell you I'm sorry I was distant the past couple of months.  Going through everything was hard, and I've been unsettled. I had to do some of my own healing and working through all of the feelings from the past and present. I just am sorry I couldn't be here for you.  I..."

I cut her off.  "Victoria.  You do NOT need to apologize to me.  If anything, I should be thanking you.  I don't know that he would've gotten such a tough sentence had you not testified against him.  I don't know if there's anything I could ever do to repay you."

She looked down at her feet.  "It was nothing Aleah.  I was happy to do it.  I'm thankful for the friendship that we've started growing.  You have been more of a friend to me over the past year, and been there for me more than Luke ever truly was."

"Victoria, you deserved to be treated better.  Luke is the most manipulative person I've ever met, and I'm glad we both are rid of him.  However, I also am sorry these circumstances are what started our friendship."

She hugged me, and I hugged her back tightly.  I don't know that Victoria and I would ever be best friends, but we definitely had a unique friendship that I had come to value.

"Who is that?" Victoria asked.

I turned my head to see a body coming out of the backdoor of the house.  I squinted against the sun.  "Well, I'll be..." I muttered.

There coming down the steps of the back porch was my brother.  "Tom!" I yelled at him and waved above my head.

He smiled and strode over to me.  He had grown up.  A lot.  Although he was still young.  He would be 21 this upcoming fall. 

"I didn't know you were coming home this summer!  Where's Miriam?"

"You, of all people, should know that I wouldn't miss mom and dad's 'annual barbeque,'" he air quoted.  We laughed.  "And Miriam and I broke up.  But no need to waste my breath over that right now.  Who's your friend?"

"Oh!  Sorry!  Tom, Victoria.  Victoria, Tom."  They shook hands. 

They started making small talk, but I wasn't hearing what they were saying.  Because at that time, I noticed another person coming down the stairs of the porch.

Zach.

"Excuse me, guys.  I need to go talk to someone," I said to Tom and Victoria, though I hadn't taken my eyes off of Zach, and I don't even know if Tom and Victoria heard me.

Zach looked good.  Really good.  Even though we had the last conversation we did where we parted ways, and even though I loved Aaron, there was still twang in my heart every time I saw him.  His hair had lightened in the sun, and he looked tan.

We made eye contact and he smiled.  He wrapped me into a tight hug.  "Aleah."

I smiled widely at him.  "Zach!  Don't tell me you came back just for this."

He chuckled.  "I didn't, though I definitely would have."  He ran his hand through his hair.  "So, how are you?"

I frowned at him.  "Zachary Andrews.  I know you a whole lot better than that.  What are you not telling me?"

"Can't get anything past you, Aleah.  I'm moving back home."

"Home?"

"Yeah.  Here.  I'll be starting med school in Omaha in the fall."

My heart skipped a beat.  "Oh!  That's... I mean, congratulations!

"Thanks, Aleah.  Maybe we can get together soon?"  He smiled, but his smile dropped and he looked past me.

I looked to see Aaron approaching us.  He walked up and put an arm around my shoulders.  They exchanged minimal pleasantries until Zach excused himself to go find his parents who were milling about.

~~~~~~~

I took a long sip of my mixed drink.  The party had all but faded as a memory into the evening.  The sun was setting, and Aaron and I were sitting on the steps of the porch, watching the day melt into night.  He was leaning back beside me, drinking a beer.  We were just sitting in silence, enjoying the perfection of the day.  Aaron grabbed my hand and pulled it back to his lips, and he kissed it lightly, holding it to his mouth for a few seconds. 

"Aleah?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, sweet girl."

"I love you, too.



this isn't goodbye

Hey all,

Firstly, I owe you all an apology.  I swore, in my head, that tonight was the night I was set to return, and for some reason I haven't been getting my comments to my email.  I don't know if I need to blame my phone or my email, yet. Otherwise, I would've realized my error.  But anyway, I'm sorry I didn't post last Monday like I said I would.

Secondly, I did a lot of thinking while on my break about my exchange with a few of the people after my last post about needing a brief break.  I know how much I've loved writing this story, and I know how much a lot of you have enjoyed reading it.  I'm so thankful for both.  Writing became an escape for me.  You all didn't even know how much you were there for me for the past (over) 2 years.  You all were unknowingly by my side as I went through my child's father being unfaithful to me, me moving almost 2 hours away from where I was living, our breakup, the diagnosis of my little one with cerebral palsy, the constant medical appointments, a car accident, the death of 2 of my grandparents within weeks of each other, my changing jobs, moving again to a better location, and gaining a second job.  There has been so much more in between, but those are the low "highlights."  It's funny because as I'm writing this I'm tearing up, partially from sadness and partially from joy.  I can't thank you for all of your support through these tumultuous two years. 

Really, I could've written a blog completely about my real life with everything that's happened!

I'm not done with Aleah's story, but I need to be temporarily done.  I'm planning on writing a closing post that will wrap up the pending stories that are out there.  I have an idea of what I want to write, but want to make sure I give you all the gift of a temporary closure.  So please let me know what all loose ends you want me to make sure I wrap up.

I've made this decision because while writing was such a release for me, the past few months it hasn't been.  It's been more stressful than anything.  I've had serious writer's block, having no idea where I want the story to go and struggling to get posts out.  I mean, in general I know where I want the story to go, but not in the near future.  I've continued posting for you all, and not for me.  And with doing that, I saw a decline in my writing.  My best writing is when I was writing for you all AND for me.  I want to enjoy telling Aleah's story again.  But right now, I don't have it in me.  I'm just now beginning to feel like a whole person again, healing from everything that has happened.

I would say a lot of it is because of how thin I've been stretched with how busy I've been caring for my (now) 3 year old, working 2 jobs, my primary one with longer hours than I was previously working, and trying to maintain a household by myself.  But, I think I've been emotionally drained, and I'm finally feeling relief.  Like a  weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I absolutely want to carry on Aleah's story.  I just don't know if that will be a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now.  I will pick up on this site.  And depending on how long it is, I may jump ahead to the same time break that it will be.  I'll see.  But I want to get to a point where I have a reserved of posts, but also where I'm able to consistently post, and know where I want to go.  If all else fails, I have another storyline completely playing in my head.  We'll have to wait and see what story strikes.

All of this to say, sometime in the next couple of weeks I'll be posting my last post for awhile... we'll call it a season finale.

I promise to you all I will be back.  Please leave your comments as to anything you'd like me to clear up in the next post.  And my best suggestion is to either check back periodically, or to follow the blog so you'll know when a new post arrives.

Otherwise, you can always leave me a comment to check in (I will hopefully have comments sent to my email fixed here within the next few minutes), or you can email me at lifebyaleah@outlook.com.  I receive those emails directly to my phone, as well.  (My comments go to a different email address.)

I appreciate you all so much, and truthfully, I don't foresee my hiatus being super long (I know the writing bug will strike me soon... I'm guessing before the summer's end).

<3 Aleah