The Aftermath

I was frozen, half-naked, on the cold bathroom floor.  Goosebumps covering my whole body.  My hair a mess and half out of the once tight bun on my head.  Sweaty tendrils stuck to my face.  I felt as if time were standing still.  There was so much happening at once, yet, nothing was moving.  Everything was muffled.  The clearest sound I could hear was my heartbeat, pounding in my ears.  My head was still on its side, on the cheap, college-apartment linoleum.  My body twisted, watching Aaron slowly approaching us, gun still targeted on the person above and behind me. 

Luke was drunkenly shouting.  Aaron was hollering back.  Oddly though, I couldn’t seem to focus on anything they were saying.

I started breathing fast.  Too fast.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  Everything was going dark and hazy on the edges.  My vision was tunneling. 

I had a flashback to high school.  I had mentored at a veterinarian’s clinic.  I had always wanted to be a vet until I entered college and realized how long it took.  I quickly changed my mind.  But while mentoring, the vet had asked me to hold a dog that they needed to remove the cast on.  While they were sawing into the cast, the smell of what that cast had been containing hit me like a ton of bricks.  Everything had grown fuzzy and I immediately felt nauseous.  The vet had me sit down and focus on my breathing to keep from passing out.

No!, I shouted internally at myself.  I will not lose consciousness.  I squeezed my eyes shut and started focusing on my breathing.  I survived.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  In.  Out.

I opened my eyes, and the tunnel opened up.  I didn’t feel pressure on me, anymore, but I still felt unable to move.  I winced, as the screaming that all came at me at once.

“You’re just a jealous motherfucker, she was asking for this,” I heard Luke fighting. 

“Do not move,” I heard Aaron’s voice, authoritative, but clear and seemingly calm.  I realized that Luke wasn’t on me anymore.  I swiveled my head to look down at my body.  I felt contorted.  My breasts were exposed, splotchy red with bruising already starting on the one that Luke had been biting on.  My shorts were twisted and disheveled, but still on.

Luke was as far away as he could be from me in the small bathroom, but still way too close for comfort.  His pants and underwear still down around his knees, he was now standing facing away from me.  His legs were spread, and his hands planted firmly on the wall over his head.

“Aleah,” I heard faintly.  I was unable to move, scared if I did somehow Luke would twist and get me again. 

“Aleah.”  The voice was softer this time, yet louder.  I snapped my eyes upward, and Aaron was standing over me.  His gun and eyes were still trained on Luke, but he clearly was only concerned at me.  His face was etched with distress and I could see his jaw ticking. 

“Aleah?” This time it was a question.  The tone said to answer him or he’d be forced to take action he didn’t want to with me present. 

“Aaron,” I whispered.  He knelt on one knee next to me, though still not looking at me.  He took one hand off the gun and placed it on my cheek.

“Please listen and focus on my voice, and my voice only,” he softly commanded me, while staring down Luke’s back.  “I need you to get up, if you are able, and get out of this bathroom.  Please go to your phone and call 911.  As much as you want to, do not wash anything or change clothes.  Use a blanket and wrap it around you.  Go in your room and shut the door.  I promise that you are safe now.  Myself or another officer will knock on the door when it’s okay.”

I slowly propped myself up on an elbow, a sharp pain shooting through my scalp as the gash was exposed to air.  The tears that had pooled in my eyes leaked out, one falling against Aaron’s hand.  His thumb quickly wiped it away, and he stood.  He offered out a hand and I took it, allowing him to pull me up.  He took his arm and moved my body behind his and I buried my face in his back, as we stepped backwards out of the bathroom.  I could feel his breathing was fast, and his muscles tense.  When he stopped, I did, too, but I didn’t move.

“Aleah,” he quietly spoke.  “Please call 911.”

My body started violently shaking.  “I... I can’t.”  My breathing quickened and I felt panicky.  My eyes were closed, and I pressed my face hard against his back.  I felt Aaron’s weight shift to support me trying to essentially crawl into him.

Aaron started moving, but I didn’t know what he was doing until I heard him speak.  “This is Officer Janakowski, badge number 247.  I need backup at...” He had dug his phone out of his pocket and was doing what I physically couldn’t force myself to do. 

I felt weak and knew I was going to collapse.  My legs were shaking.  I tried clinging to Aaron’s coat, but my fingers wouldn’t work.  My knees buckled and I slowly tumbled downward, like a toddler, onto my butt, and fell over into the wall.  “And send a bus,” I heard Aaron’s voice, frantic.  He shoved his phone back into his pocket, and finally glanced over at me.  I saw the fear flash across his face, followed quickly by anger.

“Put your hands behind your back.  NOW!” I heard Aaron bark, through clenched teeth.  I laid there, once again frozen in fear, unable to move, but watching what was happening through the open bathroom door.  Aaron walked over to Luke, holstered his gun, and cuffed him, and forcefully jerked him around.  Aaron pulled his pants up for him.  Luke stared straight down at me, glaring and somehow sneering, all at the same time.  I saw him step in the small puddle of blood from my head.  I closed my eyes, willing the image of him to go away.  I cowered, feeling their bodies shuffling past me.  I heard the apartment door open and close.

I still couldn’t move. 

I sat on the floor, unmoving, shaking from fear.  My eyelids still pressed together. 

I heard my apartment door open and close again.  Footsteps approached me quickly, and a body was next to me on the floor.  I jerked away, and opened my eyes, bewildered. 

Aaron. 

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap.  I pressed my forehead to his chest, and heard his heart pounding through all the layers he had on. 

He somehow managed to stand and carry me to the couch and sat down.  He pulled a blanket over my still half-naked body, wrapping it around me tightly, holding me close to him.

I started sobbing.

I don’t know how long we sat like that.  Me sobbing onto his coat, him holding me tightly, rocking.

But then there was a quick three knocks on the door.  I flinched and jumped. 

“It’s unlocked,” Aaron called out.

I turned my head to look.  A couple of uniformed officers came in along with Brad (Detective Stratton).  I saw Brad raise an eyebrow at Aaron, and felt Aaron give his head a couple of shakes.  Aaron shifted me over, then, so I was sitting on the couch next to him.  He kept one arm protectively around my shoulders.

I pulled the blanket securely over my shoulders and around my body, suddenly acutely aware that I was topless.  However, I could’ve been standing here fully naked in front of these officers and still wouldn’t have felt as exposed as I did when I answered the door initially and Luke was standing there.

“Aleah,” Brad began, “I’m the detective on-call.  Detective Janakowski had called me to notify me of what was going on.  If you would be more comfortable talking to someone else, I can have a different detective meet you at the station for a formal interview tomorrow.”

I wiped the tears from my face with my free hand, and wiped my nose with the blanket.  “No.  I want to talk to you.”

“Okay.  Do you want me to call your parents?”

“Not yet.” I sniffled.  I didn’t want to worry them.  Yet.  “Where is he?” I croaked.  I didn’t think to ask what Aaron had done with Luke until that moment.

“He’s in the back of my car,” Aaron gently told me.

I shivered, but nodded my head.

“Aleah, do you want to come to the station tonight to give a formal statement, or tomorrow?  We’re going to have to collect and tag your clothing as evidence, take pictures, among some other things...”

Before I could answer or Brad could continue, there was another knock at the door.  One of the uniformed officers walked over and opened it, and EMS came walking in.  I didn’t remember, or was just in too much shock to notice, that my head had gashed open and it was pounding, until I saw EMS.

Brad stepped to the side and was speaking to them in hushed tones. 

Aaron leaned over and whispered to only me, “I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head, because I couldn’t speak.  If I did, I’d start crying, and I wanted to try to comprehend everything that was needed of me in this moment.

Aaron spoke again, “They are going to have to take you to the hospital and swab you down.  That’s probably what Brad is talking to them about.  I will go with you, if you want me to.”

I nodded my head.  I didn’t want him leaving my side.

Brad approached with two of the EMS guys.  “Aleah, do you think you’ll be able to pack a bag of some clothing to change into?  The clothing on the floor in the bathroom we’ll bag and tag here, but what you have on under the blanket they’ll take at the hospital.  You’ll ride in the ambulance so they can take a look at your head.  Detective Janakowski told me it’s bleeding.” 

Inappropriately, all I could focus on was that Brad kept referring to Aaron as Detective Janakowski.  It was weird.  But of course I didn’t acknowledge it and nodded my head yes. 

Aaron kept his arm around me and stood up when I did, walking me to the bedroom.  He kept his body between me and the bathroom, shielding me from the remains of my innocence, and the nightmare that would replay in my mind over and over again.

Aaron jumped into action and took the initiative, leaving me to sit on my bed and watch.  He grabbed a large tote bag hanging on my desk chair and looked at me.  I weakly pointed at the dresser that was mine and he started opening drawers.  I watched numbly, suddenly overwhelmingly tired.  What should have been embarrassing having him go through my undergarments, seemed trivial.  He grabbed a few pairs of underwear, a bra, and socks and threw them in the bag.  He went through a few more drawers until he found a pair of sweat pants and a tshirt and added them to the bag.  I looked down at my feet and realized that I was barefoot.  I’m not sure where I’d lost my slippers, during the scuffle.  I frowned.  That was easier to think about than anything else that had happened in the past hour or so. 

He was throwing in a sweatshirt and bringing me socks and boots to put on, when I thought of something.  “Why were you here?”

Aaron looked surprised that I’d spoken.  “What?”

“Why were you here at my apartment?  And how did you get in?”

He sat down next to me and ran his hand through his hair.  He bent over to start putting the socks on me as he spoke.  “I didn’t get your text back right away, but saw I’d missed a call from you.  I’d worked late on a case and was heading home.  You left me a voice mail.  But when I checked it, it was silent for a little bit, but then I heard muffled voices.  And finally I heard, who I now know is Luke, say no really loudly before the voice mail hit the maximum time.  So then I realized that you butt dialed me or something.”  I thought back to when I’d texted him back and that I had thrown my phone on the couch.  It must have landed and accidentally hit the call button.  He continued, now putting my boots on, “I felt in my gut that something was wrong.  I tried calling you back a couple times but you weren’t answering.  I headed this way and called campus security to meet me here to let me into the building.  I didn’t want them being overzealous if it was for no reason, so I told them not to come up.”

He had finished by that point and picked up the bag he had packed for me and threw it over his shoulder.  We were about to walk out of my room when I stopped and grabbed Aaron’s arm.  He looked at me with question.  “Thank you.”

He leaned over, grasping my shoulders lightly, and kissed my forehead.  He wrapped his arm around my shoulder again and guided me out.