Pent-Up Anger

*PRESENT DAY*

Zach’s eyes may have been filled with love, memories, and promises, but they had turned into my first love, cherished memories, and broken promises.

So before closing my eyes to fall asleep that night, after the sweet, sweet kiss, and wrapped securely in his arms, Aaron said, “Goodnight, sweet girl.”

And I had whispered back, “Goodnight, boyfriend.” 

I called him that sporadically, because I loved how it sounded rolling off my tongue.

We hadn’t had sex, and that was actually the first time we’d stayed the night together.  But I liked it. 

I hadn’t really done much outside of the house on my own.  And by my own, I meant without a friend, or teammate, or family member, or Aaron.  I decided after practice on Tuesday, that I was going running. 

Dean, my therapist, had encouraged me to take baby steps to start getting out on my own.  He also encouraged me to join a self-defense class.  So, with the help and guidance of Aaron, he had steered me to a class that some of his detective buddies from the sheriff’s department put on.  It was in the evenings for a week straight at the end of the month.  I had already signed up, and was just awaiting it to start.

But on Tuesday, the idea to run struck me while practicing.  The weather was still hit or miss, and cold, so we were indoors.  However, it was almost 40 outside!  I know, that seems extremely cold to a lot of the U.S., but to us Midwesterners, it felt like spring was actually, finally going to happen.  I had decided to jog through campus, because there would be people walking around since it was “warm” and also (again, finally) still light outside at an acceptable hour. 

Since I felt nervous, and my stomach was in knots just thinking about it, I told Aaron what I was doing and told him if he hadn’t heard from me in an hour to come find me.  He had promised me he would.  I was only planning on going three miles, so I knew I’d get back with him way before an hour was up.  I also use an app on my phone called Map My Run, which tracks where I’m running and how far I’m going so I don’t need to actually measure out the distance beforehand.  I had paid to upgrade it and synced it to Aaron’s so that way he would know where I was, too.  Knowing that he would be aware of my whereabouts and be able to tell if I was stopped for any, odd, extended period of time eased my nerves.  Slightly.

I was still warm from practice, so I didn’t bother stretching; I just started out, my “Running” play list blasting into my ears. 

My run went by without hitch.  When I got back to my car, I decided to do some stretches.  My skin was ice cold, but I was warm and sweaty.  The joys of running outside in almost freezing temperatures. 

I was bent over, touching my toes, when I heard a tentative voice behind me, “Aleah?”

I immediately bristled at the sound.  My body tensed up.  I looked up and around, to ensure people were still around, and they were, within earshot.

I stood and turned to face Victoria.  Every muscle in my body was tightened, on the defense.  My fists were clenched at my sides.  My jaw clenched, unmoving.  I couldn’t speak, even if I had wanted to.

“Aleah?” she asked again, still sounding unsure.

I raised an eyebrow, still unable to utter a word, but acknowledging her, at least.

Her eyes darted around wildly, as if deciding if she really wanted to say what she was going to.  Her eyes settled back on me, and they looked sad.  She took a couple steps towards me and was within reach of me.  I steadied myself, unwilling to back down to her, though my hands started shaking.  I had my phone gripped tightly, now, in my one hand, ready to scream and call for help. 

The sadness in her eyes quickly changed to ice.  She appeared to be seething as she opened her mouth and spat, “You fucking ruined our lives.”  There was poison in her tone, yet she said it as calmly and matter-of-factly as if she was telling me my shoe was untied.

As I watched the undeserved hate seeping out of her pores, and could see that she wanted to strangle the life out of me right then, a feeling I’d never felt before washed over me.  It started with a burning in my chest, and spread like wildfire through every inch of my body out to the tips of my toes and the top of my head. 

Without thinking and before I could stop myself, the anger erupted, shooting out of me like a volcano.  I reached back, and before she could blink, I swung my arm, slapping her hard across the face.  The sound of my palm connecting with her cheek resonated through me, and made me jump.  But all it did was unleash a monster of vile words.

“You.  You are so.  Fucking.  Pathetic.  You are blindly devoted to that whore of a man who had a relationship with me.  A horrible, ridiculous relationship, the whole time he was engaged to you.  The whole time!  And you hated me, and believed his toxic lies because you are so needy of that... that piece of shit who tried to RAPE ME!”  I was screaming at this point, angry tears leaving hot streams down my face, and pointing my finger at her accusingly.  Her hand was on her reddened cheek, and her eyes were saucer-like, as she watched me in horror.  “I don’t know if you had anything to do with his psychotic little plan.  For all I know, you handed the key to the building over to him, hoping he’d kill me.  But unbeknownst to you and your disgusting blind eye for... for him, he had been eyeing me and begging for me to have sex with his cheating dick since he met me last year.  I hope you get charged with conspiracy and end up locked up right along with him.  You two just deserve each other.  I may have emotional scars from this, but I will heal.  You are just a horrible human being, and there’s no recovering from that.” 

I started quick walking the few steps to my car, bumping my shoulder into hers, accidentally, knocking her out of my way.  I took a deep breath, and opened my car door.  Before sitting in it, I looked at her one last time.  The sadness had returned to her eyes, and she was crying, still holding her cheek.  I took another deep breath.  “And Victoria?”  Her eyes shifted up to me, from staring at the pavement.  “I feel really sorry for you.”

I got in my car and shut the door, and locked it.  I gripped my steering wheel, and saw, once again, that my hands were violently shaking.  My breathing was uneven.  I hurried and backed up and drove to my house.  I parked and leaned forward, resting my forehead on the steering wheel, and let the sobs take over my body.