Ridin' Dirty

James and I ended up not playing tennis that night.  We didn't actually kiss, either.  We stood like that, not moving, frozen in each others' presence until James heard a customer at the front desk, needing to pay for their court time.  I stayed at the Racquet Club with him until he locked it up, but we just talked.  It seemed more intimate than usual, but it felt right.

Before I started my car to pull away, I leaned back in my seat staring at my phone.  My fingers hovered over the keyboard, as I thought out how I wanted to word the text message.  I decided to go as simple as possible.  We need to talk.  Then I hit send, hoping Luke wouldn't see it, or at least not respond, until the next day.

I felt a sense of calm come over me.  I thought to myself how much subconscious stress my relationship with Luke had caused.  How underneath his calm, cool, and collected demeanor, he was really demeaning, disrespectful, and cocky.  Even though based on our history, it seemed as though nothing would evolve between James and I, it brought to my attention that I wasn't fully committed to Luke, and I deserved better.  I had never put myself into a position of temptation like that before.  Not even with Derek and his unwarranted accusations.  And I squirmed with unease that if James had tried anything, I wouldn't have stopped him.  Plus, with how much I already had planned for the summer (between working at the city tennis courts and the Racquet Club, taking a summer class, traveling to tournaments most weekends with Cara, and spending time with my dad due to the unknown), I didn't have the energy or desire to even attempt to put in the work it would take to make this long-distance relationship work.  And in addition, I didn't trust Luke's integrity or intentions anymore.

I decided to drive home to my parents'.  I already had all of my books with me for my classes so I could study for exams.  I had clothing still in my room at my parents' house, so I was all set and didn't need to swing by the apartment.  I sent a text to Sarah letting her know I wouldn't be back until probably Sunday, and then shut my phone off so if Luke did try to get in touch, I could avoid it for now.

I didn't get to my parents' house until 1 a.m.  All of the lights were off, so I knew I'd need to be quiet.  I also made a mental note to find some scratch paper and leave a message for my mom next to the coffee pot so one of my parents would know I was there and it wouldn't freak them out in the morning.  As I threw my bag of books over my shoulder, I wistfully stole a glance down to Zach's family's house.  Though our neighbor's, it was still about half of a mile away.  I squinted, because it looked as though Zach's bedroom light in the back second floor corner of the house was on.  However, since they had a massive house, and due to living in the country and it being pitch black with no city lights to help outline the buildings, I couldn't tell for sure what light was actually on.  I became acutely aware of how quickly my heart was beating, at the thought of Zach being near me.

I slipped into the house then, and after leaving a note for my parents, went to sleep easily.

I stretched out, with my hands raised far above my head, smiling to myself, at how relaxed I felt.  I sat up in bed, hearing nothing.  I placed my bare feet on the hard wood floors, naturally looking for my slippers before remembering that they were at my apartment.  I padded quietly through the house, not hearing anyone, or seeing any sign that any of my family members were home.  I went to the note I had left for my parents, and then chuckled, seeing a note written back to me by my mom:  Golfing with your dad.  So glad you're home for the weekend.  Egg casserole in the fridge.  Will be back in time for dinner.  Love, Mom.

I grinned, feeling happy to actually have a quiet house to myself.  I looked at the time and saw it was 11.  I was not surprised, as I had felt so tired without any means of catching up on sleep recently.  I stepped outside and felt it was warm-ish and sunny.  I went in and turned on my phone, to check the weather.  It was 63.  I knew it would just continue to get warmer.  I made an executive decision that I would go riding, and then come back and study. 

I changed into riding boots and boot cut jeans.  I threw my hair up into a ponytail and braided it, and put on a long sleeved tshirt.  I knew I could roll up the sleeves if I got warm, but at first it would keep me the perfect temperature.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then grabbed my phone to slip into the waistband of my jeans while I was riding, so I would have it with me.  I looked and saw I had 4 text messages, but ignored them. 

I usually rode my horse, Prada, a rare (the color) and beautiful black thoroughbred, but my parents had bred her and she was due any day now.  I stopped by her stall and let myself in, to scratch the spot between her eyes and give her a carrot.  She took it gently, her lips tickling my hand.  In high school, I had shown her, but hadn't since in college.  I rubbed her side, surprised by how big she really was.  I hugged her neck and walked out, latching her stall closed.

I then went to the stall of Maxwell, a Buckskin gelding, that was my mom's baby.  People who met my mom were always surprised to find my mom barrel raced.  When she was younger she show jumped.  In fact, we even had an indoor horse arena attached to the barn that had the ability to be set up for jumps.  In my mom's off time as a nurse, and before she went back to work again, she would give private riding lessons.  Our third horse, Clover, was my brother's, and I didn't ride her.  I found her a bit unruly and she liked to throw people. 

I saddled up Maxwell and guided him out of the stable.  Since Zach's family and mine were so close, and our properties touched, we had shared using the property for various reasons.  One of those was because at the back of the Andrews' (Zach's family's last name) property there was a small wooded area that they had cleared trails out of for riding four wheelers, but it also worked perfectly for riding the horses through.  I mounted Maxwell and we walked down the road towards the Andrews' house.  About twenty-five yards before coming to his house, I guided Maxwell into the field to head back towards the woods.  I was excited to get away and be able to collect my thoughts and sort through all of my emotions regarding my dad, and Luke, and whether to file a police report regarding Luke and his roommate, Nate.

Maxwell was trotting, and I already had drifted in my thoughts when I heard some laughing.  I looked towards the Andrews house to see Mr. and Mrs. Andrews coming out of the house.  I raised up my hand to wave, but stopped mid motion to see Zach walking out of the house behind them.  I couldn't suppress the smile that spread across my face.  I wondered why Zach didn't let me know he was back in Nebraska, and took the reins to head Maxwell towards them.

But I immediately yanked on the reins, stopping Maxwell, as I saw the tall, slender, long-haired blonde walk out of the house behind him.  My jaw unwillingly dropped open, and my face crumbled.  It was too much.  I looked towards the woods and tapped Maxwell's sides with my heels, causing him to take off in a canter.  I cautiously looked back at Zach one more time, before his family disappeared behind the edge of the house.  His parents and the girl were standing there talking.  Zach's back was to them, as he was facing me, watching me ride away.