Goodbyes

After food was ordered, we resumed our conversation.  It flowed naturally, though for a little while, Elisabeth seemed distracted and didn’t participate much in the conversation.  She was nodding her head at appropriate times, but definitely seemed as though her thoughts were miles away.  I chalked it up to whatever the text messages had said.   It seemed there was something serious going on in her life, that didn’t involve present company.  Lukas was asking us about our majors, and what we wanted to do.  I told Lukas that I really didn’t know.  “Although I’m majoring in Psychology, and minoring in Sociology, I don’t really know what I want to do.  I know there are a lot of social work type things I can do.  But to make any money in the field I would need a masters or higher.  I really don’t want to work.  I’m also considering getting my certification to teach tennis constantly.”  Then I deferred to Zach, as I always feel shameful when not knowing what I want to do around professionals. 

Zach said with confidence, “I’m Pre-Med, and am hoping to be an orthopedic surgeon, much like Aleah’s father.  Or at the very least, a sports medicine doctor.  I currently volunteer as an athletic trainer at the school during my downtime, so I can get more practice working with people and seeing all types of injuries, and helping with the recuperation of them.”

Lukas responded positively towards Zach, and his goals, telling him that he was impressed with his dedication and motivation towards achieving them.  Then Lukas asked, “That doesn’t leave you with much time then, between studying and school, and any volunteering, does it?”

Zach laughed.  “Not really.  Before coming out tonight, I was spending the whole day studying, much to Aleah’s dismay, I think.”  He gently nudged me and smiled at me.  “But that’s okay.  I have big goals, and want to study hard now so I can get into a good medical school, and then go from there.  It also helps keep me out of trouble, I’m sure!”

The appetizers arrived then, and we all appeared to be famished as we downed the food relatively quickly.  Lukas then started asking about Nebraska.  Zach told about the various things to do there, similar to what I had relayed to Elisabeth when we were still at 230 Fifth, but also talked about the weather.  Zach mentioned how happy he was to have been in Arizona for most of the winter, and I said how lucky he was.  “This winter, was a little worse than the past two.  I guess we lucked out in having relatively mild winters the past couple of years, but this one just felt cold and gross.”

Elisabeth then chimed into the conversation with her thoughts about the cold and winter.  Zach asked her about her line of work.  She told Zach about her recently starting a new job, and moving back to New York.  Lukas then started telling us about the realities of the current job market.  I took a drink of wine.  Work is just not something I really want to think about right now.  Probably because I don’t know what I want to do.  I always think that people who just “know” what they want to do are so blessed, because you have people out there like me that kind of wander through life.  I just don’t want to be that person at age 40 that finally figures it out, and then has to start all over again, with finding a career.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for those people that do... I just don’t want that to be me.  I snapped myself back into the conversation, as Lukas was finishing up telling us about the job market.  Zach was nodding his head furtively, clearly agreeing with Lukas.  I thanked him for his honesty.

We chatted some more, Lukas ordering another bottle of wine.  I opened up about visiting the Freedom Towers and 9/11 Memorial.  Elisabeth, and then Lukas, also shared their previous experiences.  It was so interesting listening to their sides of it, all being in different places and different times of our lives.  Lukas mentioned how he was 19 at the time, and I did some quick math.  “Wait, you’re 32?!” I exclaimed, probably sounding a little more shocked than I should have.

Lukas smiled at me, “Yes, how old did you think I was?”

Zach responded that we had both thought he was in his mid-20’s.  Lukas laughed and I looked at Elisabeth and mouthed, “Nice!” And we both smiled.

As we all kept talking, the conversation flowed naturally.  Elisabeth’s phone vibrated again, and I saw she looked hesitant to check it, but she did.  I saw her frown at her phone, and grab it, and then excused herself to the bathroom.  “She must have a friend emergency,” I stated, seeing Lukas give her a strange look as she was walking away.

The conversation switched to college football, then.  It is one of my favorite sports, and I’m so excited for the upcoming football season!  My parents have 4 season tickets, and I told Lukas that if he and Elisabeth ever want to come out and visit Nebraska, I can for sure hook them up with taking them to a game, and to see a bunch of farms.  He laughed and said they would talk about it.  Elisabeth joined us then, and I think we were all looking at her questioningly and worriedly, thinking that something was wrong.

“I’m so sorry.  One of my friends is going through a difficult time and isn’t handling it well.  That’s what all the texts are about.  I promise that will be the last distraction tonight,” Elisabeth said.  She seemed sincerely apologetic. 

We quickly moved on, and all shared stories and laughed a lot.  Lukas and Elisabeth felt like long lost friends that we were able to reconnect with.  Soon we realized it was almost 1 a.m.  Although Zach and I both wanted to stay out longer, we knew we had a long day of travel ahead of us.  I gave Lukas a hug, thanking him for coming out, and showing us around town a little.  He smiled and said that Elisabeth had planned the evening, so she was the mastermind behind all the fun, but he was so happy he got to tag along and meet the coffee-drenched girl.  Elisabeth then said to me, “Promise to keep in touch.”  She then enveloped me into a tight hug. 

I promised her I would keep in touch, and she said to call or text her when I got back home, no matter what time it was.  I told her I would, and to make sure to be careful rounding corners with multiple cups of coffee from now on.  We laughed and hugged one more time, and then each headed back to where we were all staying for the night.  We weren’t too far from our hotel, so we decided to walk.  Zach wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close, and kissed me on the head.  “Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“For being you.  For coming here with me.  And for getting coffee dumped on you.”  He squeezed me.

I giggled, “Oh, my pleasure.  But thank you for having me come here with you.  This has been the best week of my life, I think.”  I paused, remembering him and Lukas whispering at the table.  “So what were you and Lukas talking about when Elisabeth and I were in the bathroom?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Zachary!  I saw you and Lukas whispering as we were walking back from the bathroom, and then as soon as you guys saw us, you stopped immediately.  Not very smooth, but very obvious.”

Zach smiled and shrugged his shoulders.  We bantered back and forth for a bit, but he refused to tell me, so I dropped it, and we walked back to the hotel in comfortable silence.

The next day, we spent the morning eating room service breakfast, and packing.  I was trying to maneuver fitting all of my new purchases into my suitcase.  Luckily, I had thought a head, and brought the biggest suitcase my family owned, and left about half of it empty.  I grabbed my phone and went to put it in my purse when I saw I had three new text messages.

Mom: I hope you had a fun trip!  Call me when you get in, would like you to come home for dinner soon.

Luke: Hey, I thought you were back from NYC by now.  Stopped by your apartment.  Spoke with Sarah.  Call me when you get back.  Can’t wait to see you ;)

Sarah:  Luke stopped by here.  Sorry I told him you were still in NYC, hope you don’t mind.  I miss you, get back here!

I quickly responded to both mom and Sarah and decided to ignore Luke’s message for now.  He said to call when I got back, anyway, so there was no rush as I wasn’t back. Plus, I knew Zach and I needed to talk, first.

Zach and I pulled our suitcases to the elevator and rode downstairs.  Zach turned the keys in at the front desk while I waited.  He joined me and we walked out.  I went to head for a cab that was sitting there, empty, and Zach grabbed the back of my arm.  “No, Aleah, this way.”  He was smiling suspiciously. 

He guided me straight to a limo.  I stopped in my tracks.  “Zach!  What is this?”

“A limo.”

I playfully smacked his arm, “No, I mean, this is for us?”  I was shocked.  He nodded his head, and grabbed the suitcase handle from me.  The chauffeur opened the door for me, “Miss.”  He held his hand out and helped me into the long, luxurious car.  When I got in, sitting on the seat were a dozen red roses and a bottle of champagne.  My mouth dropped open.  Zach climbed in behind me, beaming.

“Zach!  This is unbelievable!  When did you plan this?”

“Let me just say, that Lukas has spectacular connections.”

“Is this what you guys were whispering about?”

Zach smiled and pulled me closer to him, pouring us both a glass of champagne.  We raised our glasses and I said, “To the end of the best week of my life with an amazing man.”  Zach added, “And to the woman I love.”

I smiled cheesily, and blushed, as we clinked our glasses together.  We reminisced about the week, as we rode to the airport.

After checking our luggage and going through security, we went and found a Starbucks, to get drinks while we waited.  Sipping my peppermint white mocha, and Zach holding his latte, we looked around, figuring out which way to go.  We started walking.  Zach and I were leaving on different flights.  He was going straight back to Arizona, while I was flying in to Omaha, where my car was.  My flight left first, and we only had about 45 minutes by the time we got to the gate, before my flight left.  Zach was going to wait with me before heading over to the terminal he needed to be in. He had a longer wait, about two hours, after I was going to start boarding. 

“Promise me you’ll let me know when you land safely,” I insisted.  We were sitting next to each other, but turned towards each other, holding hands.

“Of course I will.  You already know this.”  He was running my finger with his thumb.  I looked down at our hands, dreading the conversation that we still needed to have.  I looked up at him, solemnly, and could see in his eyes he was having the same feelings.  I looked back down at my other hand, holding my drink, with the beautiful ring on, then at the flowers, laying on top of my purse, on the floor at my feet.

“Aleah, just tell me what you’re avoiding saying.”  Zach said it softly, but firmly.

I blurted out, “Zach, I love you so much.  I want to be with you, with every ounce of my being.  But I’m terrified that being apart, we’ll end up like we did two and a half years ago.  Broken because of distance.  But seeing you randomly like this, it hurts.  Because I know we are going our separate ways.  I know you can be seeing who you want, and doing whatever, but then come back to me randomly.  I keep holding out hope for the future, but every time I see you, it gives me hope...” I trailed off, swallowing hard.  Tears were forming in my eyes, and I was willing them to disappear.  “It gives me hope that we can be together now.  And I know we can’t.”  I finally looked him in the eyes, to see his eyes and facial expression matching my sadness.

“I know.”  He took a deep breath then.  “If I could transfer right now, I would.  But I need to finish out next year in Arizona.  Before I could ever be the right man for you, I need to be a man myself.  If we are to be together in the future, I need to do what’s right for now.”

“I can’t keep spending time with you like this, right now.”  The tears then escaped, unfortunately.  Even though he knew how much I loved him, I didn’t want him to see it plastered all over my face, and escaping my eyes.

He nodded his head.  At that moment, they announced boarding to start.  Since Zach had gotten me another first class ticket, I was boarding now.  We stood up.  I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around my waist, lifting me off the ground.  We stood like that for not long enough.  He set me down, and looked into my eyes.  He had a tear rolling down his cheek, and I didn't know if it was his or mine.  He kissed me deeply and passionately, but again, it passed too quickly. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.”  I picked up my purse and the roses, and turned to walk to board the plane.  Before I walked into the tunnel, to lead to the plane door, I turned to look one last time at Zach, who was standing there watching me, with his arms folded, a look of pain and despair on his face.  I hurried and walked into the tunnel so he wouldn’t see my face scrunch up and the tears start freely flowing.