Life By Zach - Living in the Moment

Life By Zach - Living in the Moment

I remember the first time I saw her. I mean, really saw her. We’d known each other for as long as I can remember; we grew up next door to each other, rode our horses and ran around the woods like kids do. But the day I really saw her, was also the day I knew she would have my heart forever.

There are a lot of first moments that have stayed in my heart and mind when it comes to Aleah, but none that have made me feel the way I did that day.

We were both in high school, and Aleah had just finished a tennis match which I guess did not go as well as she had hoped. She’s always been an amazing athlete, I mean, she got a full tennis scholarship for college! But something was off for her that day. I usually tried to go to all of her games, as we had an unspoken pact that I wouldn’t miss a single one. But that day, I wasn’t there. I don’t really know why anymore. I got distracted, I had a rough football practice, and my college applications were due soon. Things were piling up and I had to take the time to make sure I had my ducks in a row. College was important to me, I have dreams and goals and I really wanted to make sure I made the right choice.

I was sitting at my desk struggling with my personal statement when Aleah and her mother pulled into their driveway.  She got out of the car and slammed the door, stood there for a moment just staring into space. I watched her, realizing I had never really noticed how long her legs had become, or how her hair had these tiny gold highlights that sparkled as she moved. Yeah, I said sparkled. Oh man.

Anyway, she looked up and caught my eye, then turned and ran to the stables. I knew where she was going.  I did not even stop to wonder whether I should follow her, I just did.  When I got to our spot in the woods, our spot we rode our horses to countless numbers of times, our spot where my dad and I spent a whole summer building a cabin together, she was sitting on the porch swing, throwing pebbles into the bushes.  Her hair had come out of her braid and was falling down her tanned shoulders, catching the light. She looked up at me and neither of us moved, we just locked eyes and in that moment, Aleah wasn’t just my little kid neighbor anymore. I knew the feelings that started in the pit of my stomach and crawled into my heart were much more than just the way I would feel about a friend. My heart was literally aching at the thought of her being upset, all I wanted to do was hold her, comfort her, make her feel better, yet we’ve never been more than friends. What if she didn’t feel it too? I walked over and sat next to her, and in what felt like slow motion, took her hand into mine. My heart was pounding so loud I thought surely she could hear it.  She didn’t look at me, but when I glanced at her face, she was blushing furiously and she was biting her lip nervously. Relief flooded over me. She felt it too.  Nothing else happened between us that day, but the unspoken words were there. We weren’t just friends anymore, we were more. We found love, right there, in front of us this whole time.

When I think about it now, we were both so young. We had no idea what was ahead for us, all we saw were the moments we had, the moments right in front of us. In a way, that really was a better time. People don’t enjoy the moment anymore, we spend so much time thinking of the past, or yearning for the future, when the present has so much to offer.

They say some people are not meant to stay in your life, but I’m just not sure. I’m not sure of anything anymore.

“Head’s up!!” I heard as a football came crashing into the side of my chest.

“Ouch Ben you big jackass,” I grumbled, and playfully punched him in the shoulder.  Ben was my best friend at ASU, and a total goofball.

Ben wasn’t quite sure yet what he wanted to do with his life, not at all like me. But he WAS sure he wanted to win every beer pong championship he encountered, date as many sorority beauties as he could, and party the night away as often as possible. Ben was definitely living in the moment. His fraternity was throwing a party that night, and even though I did not join it, I had pretty much become an honorary member.

“Dude! I made sure that Beth Simpson is going to be there tonight. For you. You’re welcome.” Ben raised his hand for a high five, his face splitting into the biggest grin imaginable.

Ahh, Beth Simpson. One of the most coveted girls at ASU. I’m not gonna lie, Beth is hot. She’s got that look to her, she’s confident, but deep down inside she craves validation. She’s always wearing the trendiest clothes, her hair is always the perfect combination of perfect, but messy. She’s got this sexy voice that purrs into your ear and travels down your spine right into your pants. Basically, she exudes sex and every guy on campus has the hots for her.

Beth has flirted heavily with me every time I have seen her, yet for some reason I just never pulled the trigger.

“I don’t know man. I gotta study. You know I have a lot on my plate,” I wanted to stall Ben as long as possible. It’s not that I didn’t want to go to this party. It’s not that I didn’t want Beth. I know I can get my work done in time.

I guess it’s more complicated. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I haven’t hooked up with anyone since Aleah and I were in New York. I know I can, nothing official is holding us together. But that trip meant so much; SHE means so much. But I've been having so many doubts lately. What does it all mean? What am I supposed to do? And isn't college a time for me to find some answers? Find myself?

“Come ON! Don’t give me that crap. You’re coming. End of story. Be at the house by 10. I mean it bro.” And with that, Ben ran across the school quad and disappeared.

The doubts I have been feeling began to take over as I wondered if maybe I should just go. Beth is ridiculously hot.

Maybe it’s time I let go.

Maybe it’s time  I take a chance and just live in the moment too...