Goodnight and Goodbye

“Have you been thinking that, this whole time?”  Zach asked incredulously. 

“I mean, no…” I mumbled.

Insert awkward silence.

"I don't understand..." Zach trailed off.

I started blushing.  Probably a mixture of the wine at dinner and my ability to be a professional over-analyzer. "Zach... I have never thought you were a cheater.  Our whole lives I've trusted you with my whole heart.  I just... it's that... when we were talking in the car earlier, and I told you about Derek and then said I never really got over you, you didn't respond.  So I thought maybe you were seeing someone, and didn't want to talk about emotions?  Or something like that." Ugh, I'm such a bumbling mess, and so bad at expressing myself.  And looking back, should've known better.

Zach slid over to be next me and looked into my eyes.  “Aleah, I love you.”  My heart started pounding.  It felt like him saying it for the first time, all over again.

“Does that mean you are single?”  Smooth, Aleah.

“Yes.  Yes it does.”

“Don’t leave.  Please.”  Tears formed in my eyes, and I blinked hard, wishing them away.  But to no avail.  One of them slipped down my cheek, and although everything was blurry from my tears, I could make out Zach putting his glass on the edge of the tub.  He reached up and wiped it away.  Which, in all actuality, just left my whole face wet, since his hand was dripping from the water in the tub.  That made me start laughing, which he joined in.  I leaned on to him.  

He lightly grabbed my chin between his thumb and pointer finger and tilted my head upwards and turned it towards him and kissed me.  I immediately started getting all hot and bothered.  I ran my hand down his chest and grabbed and started stroking him, noticing he was already aroused.  I pushed myself up and straddled him, sliding myself down onto him.  Although still a tight fit, it was easier this time.  I moved myself up and down, back and forth, riding him slowly, feeling every inch of him inside of me.  He wrapped his arms around me, and moved them up, tangling them in my hair, and grabbing handfuls, pulling my head back lightly with my hair.  He kissed my neck, working his way down to my breasts, where he spent generous amounts of time on both, licking, biting, and kissing.  To get to my breasts, he had pulled me back farther.  Being in the water was helping me sit on him at such a steep angle.  But it was also causing him to rub me in a way I had never felt before.  I gasped and yelled out as wave after wave of passion rocked my body.  Right at the most sensitive time he pulled out, and turned me around, entering me from behind.  I was supporting myself on the edge of the tub and he was thrusting deeply, and quickly.  He curled himself down onto me as I felt his body jerking from his explosion.  I let go of the edge of the tub and he wrapped his arms around me and sank down into one of the seats with me on top of him.  We sat like that for a long while, until our skin was prune-ish and wrinkled.  He moved his hand down and pleasured me with one of his fingers until I came again.  At that point we were both tired, probably more mentally than anything.   

He hopped out of the tub and got a towel and brought it over to me.  It was big and warm and so soft.  I wrapped myself in it and skipped over to my bag where I pulled on a pair of sweats and an over sized t-shirt.  I saw Sarah had packed some sexy lingerie in there, but clearly I had missed that step, and don’t know how I overlooked it when searching for a swimming suit, either.  I saw Zach on his phone, wearing only basketball shorts.  He looked so good.  I could see he was setting an alarm.  I asked what time we had to get up. 

“Oh, Aleah, you’re really going to like this.  4.”

“Please tell me you mean p.m.”

He gave me a look.  I mean, clearly I knew he meant a.m., but I was sure hoping and wishing he didn’t.  “You don’t have to get ready; you can just drop me off like that.  The reservation here is until 12.  I’m not going to check us out, you can.  You can come back and go to sleep until then.  I’ll be ready by the time I get you up to leave.”

Zach stripped the comforter off the bed, and turned the heat up in the room a little.  He ran and jumped onto the bed, and onto me, and kissed me.  “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you, too, so much.”

He got off of me, curled up beside me and turned off the light.

“Hey, Zach?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, too.”

The Time of Our Life

Tuesday came around too quickly.  I was so excited to spend the evening, after practice, with Zach.  After work on Sunday, he had picked me up, and I let him hang on to my car, since I didn’t need it again until later in the week, and he could just come back and get me after practice.  I was going to drive him to the airport Wednesday.  He showed up to the courts while we were finishing practicing.  When I got done, I walked over to him, to the teasing and giggles of my teammates.  He grinned when he saw me and said, “Man, Aleah, if you walked around in your tennis outfits all the time, it would possibly tempt me to transfer and finish school up here!”

“And if you just let me rub your abs ALL the time, I would entertain the thought of spending time with you if you moved up here.”

“Well, I’m glad to see we’re on the same page, just lusting after each other’s bodies.”  He nudged me playfully with his shoulder, then grabbed my hand with one hand, and my tennis bag in the other and escorted me out to my car.  He said, “I've arranged a special surprise for you.”  I raised my eyebrows and looked at him curiously, but he kept a very blank expression and opened my door for me.  He drove to my apartment and told me I needed to get ready as quickly as possible, and to wear something nice, but not too nice.  “Jeans?” I asked.  He shook his head no, and said a dress, but not over the top.  “Oh,” he added, “also wear heels, but comfortable ones.”

I showered as quickly as I could, while he waited in the living room.  I put on a cap sleeve dress with a black lace overlay top and cream pleated skirt and my favorite pair of black Michael Kors pumps.  I figured that I would be okay for whatever he had up his sleeve in 4” heels.  I combed my wet hair straight back and put it into a high bun, and made my eye make-up smoky, but simple.  I had dug out the diamond drop earrings he had gotten me for my last birthday that we were together, the day before, and put those on, too.  I quickly walked out to the living room, and realize he had changed clothes while I showered.  He had on charcoal gray dress pants, black dress shoes, a black dress shirt and a lavender tie.  He looked gorgeous.  I looked down at myself and smiled, realizing that we slightly matched.  We used to accidentally do that in high school all the time, and people would make fun of us.  “Appropriate?” I asked. 

“Stunning.” He responded.  He glanced down at my shoes and said, “If you’re on your feet for a little bit tonight, will they hurt in those?”

“No,” I said firmly.  Honestly, they might, but I wasn’t going to admit that for the sake of the outfit.  Pain is beauty, so they say.  Or something like that.

He walked me down to my car and opened the door for me.  I slid in and watched him walk around the front and get in the other side.  I knew that tonight would be the last time I would see him, in probably a long time.  Since college had started, and we broke up, we had managed not to run into each other because I usually stayed on campus throughout the summer taking a college course, working, and helping run tennis camps, and he had stayed in Arizona this past summer at an internship.  My mother had informed me of this.  She loved talking to me about him, since she had this undying hope that we would one day get married, and her and my dad’s best friends’ son would marry their daughter.  I frowned, imagining having to say goodbye to him tomorrow morning.  As we were driving we talked about his time with his family the day before, and classes for the rest of the week.  He then asked me the question I was hoping he wouldn’t.

“What’s going on with you and Derek?  I mean, I noticed your Facebook status says single…”  I cringed.  He laughed.  I knew he thought the Facebook comment was funny, because we used to always joke about how couples weren’t really couples until they were “Facebook official.”  And then I sighed.  He looked over at me, but then turned his attention back to the road.

“After you and I broke up, I met Derek that spring.  We started dating pretty quickly.  And were off and on, since.  He’s 3 years older than me, and thinks he’s ready to get married.  He dated a girl before me for a really long time and she cheated on him.  He didn’t trust me, because of that.  He accused me of cheating on him all the time, and never believed me when I said I was somewhere.”  I paused, thinking.  “I think that change is hard for me.  And being single, isn’t easy for me.  I mean, I was with you for a long time, you know?  Of course you know.  But, Derek really is a good guy, and he treated me well usually.  I guess, there’s nothing really wrong with him, he just isn’t the right guy for me.  I could be content with him, but I want more than content.  Things would be good, but I want better than good.”

Zach didn’t say anything, which made me nervous.  And when I get nervous, I talk more.  “And he’s from a different background than we are.  Not in a bad way, but like, when I would take him to a charity event with my parents and me, he wouldn’t talk to anyone.  And when he did, it was always sarcastically, like he thought they thought they were better than him.  I knew he always felt uncomfortable.  And afterwards he would make fun of various things.  And not like we used to, like a lady’s ridiculous hair, or if the speaker said words funny, but things like how it disgusted him that people would pay so much just to go to a dinner.  Or once, one of the charities was for overseas orphanages, and someone stopped to talk to us and said, ‘Isn’t this wonderful, how much money we’ve raised?’, and Derek retorted, ‘There aren’t any orphans in America?’  I mean, come on.  I understand what he was saying, but isn’t it enough that they were helping people, in general?  Did it really matter where?”  Embarrassing.  I was rambling.  I paused again, and then continued a little more hesitantly.  “Plus, I don’t think I ever really got over you.”

I then looked out the window and realized we weren’t in the city anymore, and we were on 80, the highway, headed towards Omaha.  “Zach, where are we going?”  I knew he was flying out of Omaha in the morning, but I was expecting to get up early and drive him there. 

“Just be patient, grasshoppa.”  I rolled my eyes and smiled.  Zach still wasn’t saying anything about what I said, so I decided to just sit and wait it out.  We got into Omaha and I was watching the buildings go by.  Finally, Zach parked, and I looked around.  I had no idea where we were.  I didn’t come to Omaha nearly as often as I had gone to Lincoln, growing up, but I still came here enough that I usually recognized where we were.  But I was lost.  He came over and opened my door, and put his arm around my shoulders, trying to keep me close and help shield me from the cold as much as possible.  We walked briskly to a building, and he started guiding me towards a door.  I read the sign and it said, “Omaha Ballroom.”

“Zach!  You remembered!”  I smiled so widely.  I had always talked about wanting to take ballroom dance classes, but had never gotten around it.  I knew basic slow dancing and such, but I had always been so busy with my numerous tennis lessons, that whenever a ballroom class was going on, I always had other commitments.  I saw the sign: Tuesdays are Foxtrot, Waltz, and Tango.  Ohmygoodness! I was so pumped.  I started hopping around and pulling Zach quicker to where we sign up.  He laughed.

“Aleah, the class starts in 2 minutes, we really need to hurry!”  He said this as he started dragging his feet slowly, giving me a hard time, and making me impatient.  "And stop hopping, you're going to break your ankle in those things!"  He smiled at me and then pulled out a $20 and handed it over.  We walked into the room and I looked around in excitement.  “It’s only a 45 minute class, but I knew you would love it, regardless.  We have dinner reservations after.”  I looked at him happily.  Where I was always sporadic and kind of a free spirit and unbridled, he was organized, and meticulous, and had things planned out to the minutest of details.  I knew that when we had stayed in the hotel the other night, without previously planning it, that was a big deal for him.  Not world altering or anything like that, but not his norm.  For me?  He could have asked me to go to Maine for lobster tails that night and I would have said yes.  Not just for the excitement though, but for him, too.  He was always the calm after my storm.

Dance class went by smoothly, with no issues, but way too quickly.  We tangoed back out to the car and were on our way to the restaurant.  When he pulled to drop me off at the door, I was so excited.  I had heard of The Drover, but hadn’t been there, yet.  We had glasses of wine and ordered.  Steak is by far, my favorite food ever, so I was so looking forward to that precious meat entering my body.  And I know that sounds dirty.  But that’s how I feel about my food.  Let me just say, the food was divine.  I can’t even begin to express just how content I was.  Dinner flowed by, and we talked so easily.  It wasn’t lost on me, though, that he had never responded to my comments about Derek, or him.  I really wanted to bring it up, but it just never seemed like the right time.   It is no secret to Zach that I’m confrontational, so I knew he wouldn’t be surprised if I did ask about it, but we were having such a great time, if he didn’t feel the same way, or something worse, I didn’t want to ruin the night.  After dinner, we drove to a hotel close to the airport, but very nice.  He smiled at me sneakily and said, “I got the suite.  You packed a swimsuit, right?”

“Zach!  I didn’t know we were coming to Omaha.  I didn’t pack anything.”  I don’t even have a toothbrush, I thought to myself, miserably. 

“I spoke with Sarah the night of my dad’s party, while you were showering.  She packed a bag for you, and had left it at your apartment.  I grabbed it tonight while you were getting ready, and put it in the trunk.”

I looked at him amazed.  “You really do think of every little detail, don’t you?”  Then it dawned on me, “You had this planned since then?”

He smiled at me and dropped me off at the door.  I waited for him in the lobby, and he walked up carrying my bag, and pulling his suitcase.  We went to the front desk and he asked for the reservation in his name.  We went to the room.  I looked around, impressed.  I’ve done my fair share of traveling with my parents, and we’ve stayed in many 5 star hotels, but even though they have money, they never get the nicest rooms.  Not gross ones, by any means, but never suites.  They were never the type to just give Tom and I whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  We took a few vacations that were amazing, and we stayed in beautiful places, but never just a normal night at a great hotel, in a beautiful room.  I saw there was an over-sized Jacuzzi tub in the room.  Zach walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.  “Want to get in?”  He started the water and added some bath oils he brought along.  I went and dug through my bag. 

“Hey, I think Sarah forgot my bathing suit.”

“No, she didn’t.”  I turned and looked at him, smirking at me.

“Of course,” I muttered.  I decided to make a show out of it, then.  He had walked over to the table and chairs and was loosening his tie.  I undid my dress and took it off as sexily as I could.  Which, I’m not good at the whole “sexy” thing.  I got stuck, while trying to pull it off over my head and had to ask Zach for help.  He laughed, and once he got me unstuck, he lightly punched him in the arm and walked back over to my bag.  He was unbuttoning his shirt.  I unhooked my bra and took it off, throwing it at him.  He still had his shirt on at this point, but unbuttoned, and stuck his hands in his pockets, tilted his head sideways, and just watched me.  The room was cold, so my nipples were hard.  I had a nude colored, lacy thong on and I turned away from him, to walk towards the tub, and slowly pulled it down, stopping to look back at him, letting it fall all the way down to my heels, which I still had on.  I stepped out of it (which that worked perfectly, thankfully, I couldn’t have imagined tripping over my undies; embarrassing), and cat-walked to the tub, which was still running, but almost full by this time.  I leaned over and put both hands on the edge of the tub.  I had left the door open to the bathroom, and turned to see him still watching me.  I felt the water and it was skin-melting hot.  Just the way I like it.  I daintily took off my shoes, and turned to look at Zach again, but he was out of my sight.  I shrugged and got into the tub and sat in one of the “seats,” sinking up to my chin into the water.  I closed my eyes.  What an amazing evening.  I heard his feet walking towards me, and opened my eyes to see him holding two glasses of champagne.  He handed me one, and then I eyed his beautiful body as he lowered himself into the water.  He sat the opposite way of me, and grabbed one of my feet under water, and started rubbing it.  We sat there in silence, drinking, and just basking in each other’s company.  But then it just slipped out accidentally.  Word vomit.

“Zach, are you single?”

Emotional Touch

I opened my eyes.  I blinked, multiple times.  A smile slowly crept over my face.  I saw the digital clock on the nightstand showing 10:38 a.m.  I felt great.  I slept so good.  Better than in a long time.  I felt the strong arm draped over my waist.  I pushed backwards into Zach’s body, and felt the warmth.  His warmth.  Oh how I had missed this man.  He had grown up a lot.  I closed my eyes as I thought back to last night.

“Of course I will stay with you.  I want nothing else than for that to happen,” I responded. 

We left and he drove to a hotel just inside the city.  He used his credit card and then escorted me to the room.  Once inside, I sat in a chair, waiting for him to use the bathroom.  When he came out, I asked him to remove the comforter.  He laughed and said, “You still don’t touch these things?” 

As much as I didn’t want a one night stand, I also hate long distance.  I didn’t know what Zach was expecting, and I wasn’t about to jump into something without first talking.  “Zach, what are we doing here?”  He sat down on the bed, put his elbows on his knees, and propped his chin up on his hands.  He looked at me for a short time, showing no emotion.

“We ended thing so long ago, Aleah.  I haven’t seen you in what feels like forever.  However, being back around you, it seems like just yesterday.  I care about you so deeply.  That never changed.  It won’t change.  But, I don’t expect to get back together, or to even have sex tonight.  I just want to be around you, every second I can before I leave.  I’ve missed you.  A lot.”

“I don’t know what I can or can’t give you, Zach.  I’ve missed you, too.  We both know that long distance doesn’t work out for us.  It didn’t before.  I don’t believe it would now.  Part of me wants everything with you.  But the other part wants nothing.  Because I know how attached I will become to you.  I know that it is going to suck to have you leave, and maybe not see each other again for a long time.  I mean, I know we can stay in touch, but I don’t want to lose this…”

We just sat there for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts.  I didn’t know what to say.  I wanted to say leave Arizona and come up here.  Transfer here and be with me, forever.  That is what I want, that is what our families want.  It’s what my heart wants.  But at the same time, I already knew that wouldn’t happen.  When we had broken up fall of our freshman years of college, over the phone, his departing words to me were, “if it’s meant to be Aleah, it will happen at the right time.”  I knew deep down that this wasn’t the right time.  Even if he didn’t, I knew I had growing up to do. 

So instead of talking, I got up and walked over to him, and sat down next to him.  We lay down next to each other on our sides, facing each other, just looking into each other’s eyes.  Reading each other’s facial expressions.  Trying to search each other’s hearts.  He was stroking my hair, back behind my ear.  I could feel my eyes getting heavy.  I closed them, and I felt his hand stop behind my head.  He shifted and then his lips were on mine. 

He kissed me slowly, and lightly, as if to make sure I was okay with it.  Then he pushed against me heavier.  His mouth opened and the tip of his tongue gently found mine.  He shifted his weight to push me onto my back and he was half laying on me.  He kept kissing me, more urgently and passionately.  His hand left my head and trailed down my arm, onto my hip.  I moved my hand up to the side of his face, and down to his neck, just below his ear.  I could feel him getting hard against the side of my leg.  He stopped kissing me then and rolled off the side of the bed, pulling me up beside him. 

He started kissing me quickly again, moving his way down to my neck.  He unzipped my dress, and pulled it up off of me, over my head.   He stepped back and looked at me, up and down.  He let out a quick breath, shaking his head, and then came back to me, kissing me.  I started unbuttoning his shirt and unloosening his tie.  I pulled his tie off, and slipped his shirt off of his arms, and pulled his undershirt up and over his head.  I then took my turn to take in his body.  His broad, strong shoulders, toned abs, and nice Arizona tan made me throw all emotional hesitation aside.  At that moment, I wanted him.  Immediately.  I wrapped my arms around him, slightly digging my nails into his back.  He unhooked my bra, letting it fall to the floor.  He ran his hands down my sides, onto my butt.  He picked me up and put me back-down on the bed.  

 He kissed my neck making his way down to my breast.  As he was kissing and lightly biting my nipple, he ran his other hand down my stomach to my thong.  He kept his hand over, teasing, running his hand along my inner thighs up around my thong.  He then slipped his hand inside my thong, and ran one finger lightly along me.  I held my breath.  Then he quickly put his finger inside of me, and I inhaled sharply, it felt so good.  I leaned sideways to try to reach his pants.  I undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants in record time, and brought my knees up to use my feet to push them off.  He kissed his way down my stomach and grabbed the top of my thong in his teeth, and looked at me playfully.  I giggled.  He removed his finger from me and took my thong off.  I missed his touch.  He then licked my inner thigh and moved to the right spot, and continued licking and kissing.  I felt my hips pushing upwards wanting more.  I was right on the verge of losing it when he stood and pulled off his boxer briefs.  He climbed on top of me and put the tip in.  I closed my eyes and winced slightly.  He was bigger than Derek, and I wasn’t used to taking him in.  He saw my face and slowed down.  He started slowly thrusting, putting a little more of himself in, each time.  He put one of his hands down, between my legs.  I breathed out heavily.  He pushed all of himself in to me.  He started thrusting faster, and kept rubbing his finger against me.  I could feel myself entering the point of no return.  “Z… I’m about…”  I couldn’t finish as my body jerked with each wave of pleasure.  His removed his finger and propped himself up and looked into my eyes, still thrusting quickly, I wrapped my legs around him.  My orgasm had put him over the edge, and he finished.  He stopped and stayed on top of me, with his head propped up on his hand.  We were both breathing heavy and fast.  

 He smiled, and I started laughing.  He started tickling me, and I tried fighting him off, telling him to stop.  I’m so overly ticklish, and if tickled long enough, might pee a little.  I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, to clean myself off.  I made a mental note to go to the pharmacy the next day and get a “Plan B.”  When Zach and I were together, I had been on birth control, but had stopped it when he and I broke up, and just never got back on it. 

I went back out and he had the sheets pulled back waiting for me.  I curled up against him, letting him spoon me.  He turned on the tv and started flipping channels, and my exhaustion from the day, from the weekend, seemed to finally catch up with me, and I fell asleep.

Getting up and getting around, Zach asked if I wanted to get lunch somewhere with him.  I told him I wasn’t going anywhere wearing the same thing I had the previous night.  He agreed to have me go home and change, but said on my way back to the hotel, to stop and pick him up some clothes somewhere really fast.  He said he didn’t care where, and it didn’t have to be anything nice, he just wanted something to wear out to lunch.  He told me his sizes and shoved some cash into my hand.  I always thought if I was a male, I would dress so much better than I do as a female, and I have really good taste in clothing (in my opinion).  I was actually excited to go buy him an outfit.  I didn’t have to be at work until 4, so we had plenty of time to spend together, though I needed to hurry.  I elected for a quick rinse-off shower, no hair washing, in order to save time.  I threw on some skinny jeans and Sperry’s with a flow-y silk utility shirt from my favorite store, Banana Republic, and put my hair in a ponytail.  I grabbed a jacket and ran out, to grab him something to wear.  I stopped by my second favorite store, Target, for him.  There is something about Target that I just adore.  As much as I wanted to browse for myself, I found him some clothes and ran out.  I got back to the hotel at 1:15. He was showered and waiting for me on the bed.  Naked.  “Oh Zach.  We don’t have time.  But you’re making this so hard… no pun intended.”  I grinned at him, thinking that I was oh-so-clever.  He laughed and stood up and snatched the shopping bag out of my hand and threw it on the floor.  He picked me up and playfully dropped me on the bed and got on top of me, straddling me, pinning my hands over my head.  I laughed and he bent down and kissed the tip of my nose.  Then my mouth.  He pushed up my shirt and kissed my stomach.  I glanced down and saw him rising to the occasion.  I sighed deeply.  He stopped and brought his head up.  “Yes?”

“Zach,” I said, looking at the clock, “we really do need to get going.  I have to head to the Racquet Club in about 2 hours.  So if you’re wanting to eat, we do need to go.”

He looked at me and stuck out his lower lip, pretending to pout.  “Fine.”  He pushed himself up and off of me and started getting dressed.  I watched him, pining after his body.  Wanting his hands to be roaming mine again.

“What do you want to eat?” I asked him, as he was ripping the tags off of the shirt, to put it on. 

He looked up at me.  “Do you really have no idea what I want, being back home?”

“Of course I do.  I figured maybe your tastes has evolved being down south.  But no?  So Runza it is!”

Runza is a restaurant in Nebraska.  It’s these glorious enclosed-dough sandwiches that are stuffed with meat, onions, and cabbage, and other various specialized “toppings.”  Zach and I used to have date nights there once a week.  We both had craved these constantly.  I don’t know how he was surviving in Arizona without them, really.

After lunch, I had to go to work.  Since I was still driving him around in my car, I said he could drop me off, and then come get me after, and we would figure it out from there.  We spoke about spending Tuesday evening together, when I got off practice, as he had plans with his family Monday.  So I knew I would get to see him one more time, before he went back to school.  My heart was sad, thinking about him being gone again.