Shenanigans

Shivering, I was half squatting, half propping myself up against a horse stall in Derek’s parents’ barn.  I was willing myself to just pee, so I could pull my pants back up.  So cold.  Yet, not only was I shivering from the fierce temperatures, but from what this stick I was trying to pee on was going to tell me about my future. 

Okay.  So maybe peeing in the barn wasn’t the best idea, but from conservative families, if either his parents or mine found out, we would be in for lectures, disapproving looks, and probably frowns upon our relationship.  And I didn’t want to have to worry about one of my roommates walking in on me.  If only Derek didn’t still live with his parents.

It’s not that our families didn’t like either one of us, or the idea of our relationship, but I had broken up with Derek too many times to count over the past 2 years.  Although, we were currently together.  I was so comfortable with him, but so tired of the accusations of me cheating.  I think the idea of Derek and his farming lifestyle was so much more appealing than the actuality of being with him.  He was a great guy, but if I was willing to admit deep down in my heart, he just wasn’t for me.  And then I audibly sighed.

“Are you done?” Derek peered his head around a wall to look at me.  His blonde, shaggy hair was poking out under his baseball hat.  But he’s so sexy.

“Almost.” I smiled back at him, though he could tell it was fake.  I was freaking out.  Luckily, my thoughts had drifted enough to take my mind off the task at hand, and I really was almost finished.  I set the pregnancy test on the edge of the stall, then pulled up my jeans.  Brrr.

“Okay, Der.”  He walked over and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.  He smelled so amazingly.  I sunk into his embrace and let him support part of my weight, silently praying the test was negative.  If I was, it would completely ruin my scholarship.  Aside from the fact that I was in no way, shape, or form, ready for a child.  Or marriage.  Which I know is where Derek would take this, should it be positive.

It felt like forever that we stood there.  Finally, he pulled back and smiled at me.  Then stopped when he saw that tears were falling down my face.  He rubbed my arms and then spun me around to face the test.

Negative.  

 I smiled.  Probably a little too widely.  I wiped the tears away and forced myself to stop smiling and turned back towards Derek.  His face was expressionless.  We left the barn and he threw the pregnancy test wrapped in the plastic bag in his truck.  I knew he would get rid of it away from here.  We went into his parents’ house and chatted for a little bit about the upcoming weekend.  I told him I’d let him know when I got back to campus, and then I took off back to my apartment. 

The half hour drive went fast.  I started smiling when I saw the lights of the city.  I parked and went skipping inside.  Normally on Fridays I like having date nights, or going out with my bests, but with our first tennis match of the “spring” season approaching in a week, I have more conditioning and practice tomorrow morning.  I obviously use the term spring loosely.  THIS is not spring.  Joys of living in the Midwest. 

The lights were off at home.  I live with my 3 best friends in a 2 bedroom campus apartment.  I flipped on the lights and started making myself a snack and changing into sweats to prepare for bed.  I assumed that Elena and Maddie were out with their boyfriends.  I saw that my bedroom door was shut.  I share the room with Sarah.  My best of the bests.  She had a track meet all day and I think I remembered her saying it was an invitational or something, so it continued early tomorrow morning.  Sarah is a thrower, and a mighty good one, at that.  The good news of living with two other athletes, is that we could respect each other’s busy schedules and not be loud.  Maddie also runs track, so I’m sure she would be home soon. 

After I got changed and started in on my ramen noodles and (small) bowl of ice cream (Don’t judge my snack choices!  I’m a poor college student!), I saw my phone sitting on the arm of the chair and realized I forgot to text Derek.  I grabbed my phone noticed I had a text from him.  “Where are you.”

“Sorry, just got home, eating, then going to bed. Forgot to text.  Love you.”

A couple minutes and it started ringing.  Great.  “Hello?”

“You took a long time to get back to me.”

“Derek.  I got home about 10 minutes ago, I changed clothes, made some food, and I’m sitting here in silence about to head to sleep so I can get up to practice tomorrow.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Derek.  Come on.  You know I value my sleep and don’t function without it.”

“You’re lying to me.  Who are you with?”

“SERIOUSLY.  DEREK.  I’m tired.  I’m not cheating on you.  Stop holding your ex’s sins against me.”

“I’m not.  Why are you being so defensive?”

“You know what.  Fine.  Don’t believe me.  I’m over this conversation.  Iloveyoubye.”

And I hung up.